Human Shark Bait

Discovery Channel's Summer Fear-Fest Is 20 Years Old and Viewers Just Eat It Up

SHARK!

LOOK OUT! A GREAT WHITE!

IT'S FEASTING ON TENDER! HUMAN! FLESH!

You have to love the Discovery Channel's annual foray into nature porn, "Shark Week," which begins tomorrow, because Americans apparently find few things more fascinating than watching a two-ton torpedo of teeth gulp down great chunks of bleeding meat. You can't help but look!

Here's our favorite quote from this week's 20th anniversary special, in which the network goes to all-shark-all-the-time programming. It's from a guy named Chuck Anderson, who was desperately trying to free his right arm from the mouth of a seven-foot bull shark:

"I worked it up and down twice and jerked real hard, and when I did, that's when my arm stripped and became completely degloved and my hand popped off in his mouth." Stripped! Degloved! Mouth!

Get the popcorn, Merle, the surfer girl who grabbed a great white is on next!

Rarely does a cable show about fish become a pop culture staple, but "Shark Week" has been on for 20 straight summers, which defies simple explanations about fads and freak-show hits and a certain Steven Spielberg film. There's apparently something prehistoric wired into the human fear complex about darkness and blood and things with teeth that combines with the modern neurosis that has us scaring ourselves silly with things that are highly unlikely to actually do us harm (sharks, serial killers, Yoko Ono recordings). Although neurology has yet to find this particular part of the psyche, we can tell you that 20 million people are compelled to tune in to at least part of the Seven Days of the Shark each year to get a fright.

Lest you think we embellish, let's look at the actual names of some of the series's prime-time episodes this year:

"Ocean of Fear: The Worst Shark Attack Ever." "Top 5 Eaten Alive." "Shark Feeding Frenzy." "Perfect Predators."

These are good titles, but they don't quite match our all-time favorite: "Teeth of Death." Also, there was the year they had Heidi Klum, the supermodel in a swimsuit, hosting a special about sharks that could EAT! YOU! ALIVE!

This is Great American Television.