Singing for Her Supper

Dear Miss Manners:

Can you give some advice to a professional opera singer who is frequently asked to give impromptu performances at social gatherings?

Much like the comedian constantly harangued for a joke or the doctor cornered for an opinion on a growth, I am struggling to find a graceful response to frequent well-intentioned entreaties for an aria from "Boheme" in the midst of an otherwise perfectly delightful occasion.

I feel like a heel to decline, but I don't care for winging it. I don't want to come off as the "diva" who refuses to sing except for a paying audience, and I don't see how I'm ever going to get people to stop asking. So I need a few tools in my arsenal for handling these occasions gracefully.

If it is any comfort, you would also be criticized if you complied. Oh, sure, people would stand around admiringly.

But however enchanting your performance, one or two would be bound to drift off in the middle, murmuring about your "showing off." The word "diva" would be used pejoratively -- which, by the way, you of all people should not be doing.

So do not weaken. To refuse, you should say, "Oh, I'm so sorry -- I'm flattered to be asked, but I'm under orders to rest my voice." You needn't mention that those are Miss Manners's orders.

Dear Miss Manners:

I was eating at a cafe with a friend of mine when she took off her shoes and put her feet up on the chair at the empty table next to ours. There were not that many people in the restaurant, but I was still mortified. What, if anything, should I have said or done?

Well, you could have spread out, too, putting your coffee on the adjacent table -- even if you had to order a cup for that purpose and mistake the table on your return -- and, oops, spilled it. That would have made the lady sit up in a hurry.

No, wait. Miss Manners does not actually advise hurting people, even when they seem to be asking for it. It would be better to warn her, after setting this up, that you are afraid you might spill your coffee and wouldn't want to take the risk of hurting her.

Dear Miss Manners: