'Hell's Kitchen' Smackdown: An Easy-as-Pie Mismatch?

Does this sound fair? In the finals for "Hell's Kitchen," Fox's reality restaurant show, D.C.'s own Rahman "Rock" Harper, executive chef at the popular expense-account haven B. Smith's in Union Station, is going up against Bonnie Muirhead, who is . . . a California nanny.

Even the show's star, bombastic Brit celeb chef Gordon Ramsay, has declared it's Harper's competition to lose. The nanny's only chance in this food fight? Throw squid. It's the one thing Harper cannot abide in the kitchen. "Squishy, slimy stuff. I really hate it. Clams, oysters . . . razor clams, any of that," he said. "I don't eat snails."

The two are the last of 12 contenders who were sequestered in Los Angeles for a couple of months while vying for the grand prize: a $250,000-a-year head chef job at an upscale eatery at the Green Valley Ranch Resort and Casino outside Las Vegas. The show finished taping in February, and keeping his lips sealed is surely a struggle for Harper, a Spotsylvania father of two seen cursing, praying, crying and even propositioning his wife, Tamara, on national television. "Think they'll give us a conjugal?" he memorably murmured with microphones on when he was given a brief reunion with her for winning a cooking challenge.

(Turns out Tamara runs their kitchen. A rising-star chef who doesn't lift a spatula at home? What's wrong with this picture? "Nothing, as far as I'm concerned!" the chef insists.)

Harper and friends watched the first hour of the two-part finale last night at Jin's at 14th and U streets; a major big-screen bash is planned at B. Smith's for next Monday's conclusion.

Not Coming to a Giuliani Rally Near You . . .

Rudy Giuliani may be topping many polls among GOP presidential candidates, but his daughter, Caroline, 17, is backing Barack Obama. According to her Facebook profile, the soon-to-be Harvard freshman describes herself as a liberal and was a member of Facebook's One Million Strong for Barack group -- until quitting early yesterday, shortly after Slate.com asked her about it.

Caroline and brother Andrew, 21, have been estranged from their father since he dumped their mom, Donna Hanover, and married Judith Nathan. (Giuliani attended Caroline's graduation this spring from Manhattan's Trinity School, but left without speaking to her.) On Facebook, Giuliani fille doesn't explain why she's leaning left. A Giuliani campaign rep said she joined the online group before her dad's campaign began "as an expression of interest in certain principles," not as an endorsement.

HEY, ISN'T THAT . . . ?

· Shaquille O'Neal, above, struggling to navigate the low ceilings during a Saturday night Potomac cruise on the Spirit of Washington, sponsored by the folks from Love nightclub, who waited at the dock until 11:15 p.m. when they learned the NBA superstar was heading over. (What brought him to D.C.? "Business meeting," said a rep.) Shaq wore a brown shirt and white pants, and chugged bottled water despite the 15 cases of Moet popped that night. Also on board: Bob Marley's son Rohan and an Ethiopian prince.

· Jon Voight dining on halibut with three friends at the bar at McCormick & Schmick's on K Street Sunday night -- and then showing up there again at lunchtime yesterday. Turns out he was there to pick up a couple of chocolate truffle cakes the manager (a Desert Storm vet) had offered for the actor to take to troops at Walter Reed.

THIS JUST IN . . .

· Howard University snagged Oprah Winfrey to ring out the old school year as commencement speaker in May . . . and now it's got Barack Obama to ring in the new. Campus reps said yesterday the junior senator from Illinois and Democratic presidential contender will be the speaker at the historically black college's 140th annual convocation on Sept. 28.