Captain Chaos Finds His First Mate
Attention bachelorettes interested in fraternizing with a certain headbanging NFL tight end who resides west of Leesburg: Captain Chaos is now . . . Captain Caged.
Chris Cooley, the only player in league history to simultaneously put the Dallas Cowboys and Redskinettes in disarray, is marrying the woman who got fired from her job because of him.
Okay, it was a part-time job. And it paid only $75 a week.
"But it'll be a good story to tell our kids one day," Christy Oglevee said.
Maybe we should explain.
Christy is Chris's fiancee. They met two summers ago when a cheerleader Cooley briefly dated brought her fellow Redskinette -- Christy -- over to Chris's house. This was probably not a good idea for two reasons: 1) The Redskins prohibit company employees from fraternizing with players; and 2) Introducing a person you've started dating to your attractive friend can be hazardous.
Confronted with evidence that they indeed had hung out with Cooley, both cheerleaders were told to turn in their halter tops. On Fan Appreciation Day, no less. The scandal ended up on WWDC-FM radio (DC101), and for a while it was unclear whether Cooley was trying to put the entire squad on the unemployment line. The incensed Redskinettes even choreographed a number in which they were going to turn their backs on Cooley at a home game. He got wind of the plan, ran over after scoring a touchdown and tried to give one of the cheerleaders the football. But she wouldn't accept and the ball fell to the ground. Worse, the touchdown was called back.
And you thought Al Saunders had problems.
Anyhow, Chris fell hard for Christy, and that was that. The backwoods kid from Utah was in deep smit. Now DC101 is throwing his bachelor party and the wedding is slated for May in Lansdowne.
Some of the old wounds have healed, too. "Most of the cheerleaders are nice to me, but some of them aren't -- which is kind of a shame," Christy said. "Because that happened a long time ago."
The only drawback in all this is the inevitable death of Cooley's "Animal House" persona. The nickname Captain Chaos doesn't exactly befit a kept man.
Captain Chaos was born in 2005 when former teammate Brian Kozlowski bet Cooley $100 he would not introduce himself as such to the St. Louis Rams' captains before a game. "There were five captains," Cooley said. "I looked every one in the face and said: 'I'm Captain Chaos. Nice to meet you.' " Reebok made a T-shirt and it stuck.