Look Who's Talking

(Disclosure: I used to be an occasional presence on "Pardon The Interruption," but I was sent down to the minors and eventually banished from the program. These days, I co-host a cable access show, "Excuse The Disturbance," with Nipsey Russell.)

Kornheiser once was as good as it gets as a sports columnist at The Washington Post. But, due to his TV and radio duties, he went from writing three columns a week to two a week to one a week to dictating "columnettes" into a black hole. All he writes now are biweekly checks to his therapist. He also plays golf.

Then there's Wilbon. Apocryphal story: I used to know Mike pretty well when we worked at The Post. A month ago, I happened to be in one of the several country clubs in which he is a member. I went up to him to say hello -- I hadn't seen him in a couple of years -- and he handed me his valet parking ticket to be validated. He also plays golf.

You understand what I'm saying here? Quality sportswriters are jumping to the other side, and when they get to the other side, they forget the ink-stained wretches they've left behind.

Now, I don't want to get all emotional about losing good buddies like Kornheiser and Wilbon, because, frankly, I hate appearing to be this weak. But there are tears falling onto my keyboard at this very moment.

(If I had more time, I'd figure out a better way to express myself and end this column properly, but I have to go commentate on an ESPN World Series of Poker telecast.)

Ask the Slouch

Q. Major leaguers go to the minors to rehab after injuries. Where do minor leaguers go? (Lee Bailey; Gahanna, Ohio)

A. I believe the Pittsburgh Pirates have them all signed through 2012.

Q. Brothers Jerry Hairston of the Rangers and Scott Hairston of the Padres both have hovered near .200 much of the season. Any suggestions? (Leonard Greene; Milwaukee)

A. Give William and Stephen Baldwin a call on this one.

Q."Rocky III," "The Godfather III" and now Wife III. When will it all end? (Barry Goodrich; Northfield, Ohio)

A. It had better end at Wife III -- Rocky went to "Rocky V" (and beyond), and that was just ugly.

Q. Now that Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez has virtually declared war on the United States, shouldn't opposing teams be able to take Magglio Ordoñez and Carlos Guillen as POWs? (Dan Murray; Spokane, Wash.)

A . Pay the man, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask the Slouch Cash Giveaway. E-mail asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!