Cattle Call

Bruce and I were outside the Takoma Park Metro station, handing out what has proved to be PETA's most effective leaflet, promoting vegetarianism through the testimonials of famously vegetarian celebrities, including Paul McCartney, Pamela Anderson, Kim Basinger and Mr. T.

This fact alone illustrates two principles of human behavior: The first is that for completely illogical reasons, humans are impressed by the endorsement of celebrities, even if those celebrities are, say, Pamela Anderson, who, according to her Wikipedia entry, is primarily known "for her large breast implants." The second principle this illustrates is that we are gullible, willing to believe almost anything we are told, such as the way you accepted my ridiculous assertion that Mr. T is on that leaflet, promoting vegetarianism. Mr. T resembles the butterflied carcass of a Brahman bull; his veins bulge with smaller veins. He sweats animal blood. His armpit hairs are made of beef. He is a vegetarian like I am Pamela Anderson. He is not on the leaflet, okay?

So, Bruce and I were handing out the leaflets, and I began to notice something. He was getting far fewer turndowns than I was. Part of it was that I had never done this before and was approaching it like a total idiot. One man I unsuccessfully tried to give a leaflet to was, at the time, actively attempting to control a nosebleed.

But the more interesting reason was that Bruce seemed to have a system. If there was a line of people approaching the Metro, and the first person in line didn't take his leaflet, Bruce walked away and tried a different line. I asked him about this.

"If the first person takes a leaflet," he said, "everyone else will want to see what that guy got. No one wants to miss out. But if they see that the first person rejects it, everyone behind him becomes too good for it."

I experimented a little. It proved true close to 100 percent of the time. No one had any idea what was in that leaflet; there was no empirical way to judge its value except by the actions of an equally ignorant person in front of you. And yet, everyone blindly followed.

All of which brings us back to the illogical contagion of obesity and, indirectly, to PETA. We are becoming a nation of cows: moving slowly forward, following the tail in front of us, eating ourselves fat.

Gene Weingarten's e-mail address is weingarten@washpost.com.

Chat with him online Tuesdays at noon.