The Caped Crusader From Vermont

"Sen. Patrick Leahy has a part in the next Batman movie." -- Associated Press, Aug. 19.

"Senate Judiciary Chairman Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) holds a media availability on the deadline for subpoenas for documents relating to the ... Bush administration's warrantless wiretapping program." -- Reuters, Aug. 20.

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Somewhere in Gotham, the Batphone rings. Loyal butler Alfred (played by Robert Byrd) summons Bruce Wayne ( Leahy). It's Commissioner Gordon on the line, and the news is grim: A villainous alliance has been formed by the Riddler (Karl Rove), the Penguin (Dick Cheney), the Joker (Alberto Gonzales) and Catwoman (Harriet Miers).

The fearsome foursome has brainwashed the previously incorruptible White House counsel (Fred Fielding), and the villains are trying to take over the American government through wanton and reckless claims of executive privilege. The latest sign of doom: Fielding has missed yet another deadline to respond to Senate subpoenas probing a secret eavesdropping program.

Enter the caped crusader, who has flown in from Vermont wearing a Batman-gray business suit and Batman-black loafers. He strikes back at Gotham's criminal masterminds with his signature weapon: the news conference. Meeting reporters in the Judiciary Committee hearing room, the Dark Knight encounters so many Batmicrophones on his Batlectern that he has to hold his Batspeech in his hands.

"The administration has produced no documents!" Leahy growled.

POW!

"No adequate basis for noncompliance!"

BANG!

"No privilege claims!"

BOP!