Week 728: Tour de Fours IV
borchestral: Describing the effect of hearing Pachelbel's Canon played 20 minutes straight by 101 Strings while you're on hold with Customer "Service."
Astrolians: Weird aliens who subsist on a noxious brown paste ("Vegemite").
To mark the debut of the Invitational's appearance in the Saturday Style section after more than 14 years in the Sunday paper, we'll devote our annual Tour de Fours neologism contest to the letters SATR. This week: Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters S, A, T and R, as in the examples above. It has to be a new word, not a new definition for a well-known existing word. You may add a hyphen for clarity. A funny example of its use would not be rejected out of hand.
Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets the rock pictured here, which is a genuine dinosaur poop fossil, according to the Web site where Loser Peter Metrinko of Chantilly ordered it. In any case, it is a heavy, colorful, craggy big-fist-size rock with all sorts of lines and cool colors that look pretty darn dinosaur-poopy to us.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions(or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitatonal Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to email@example.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Sept. 4. Put "Week 728" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Sept. 22. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Anne Paris. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Jay Shuck.
Report From Week 724
in which we asked you to summarize books, movies or plays in rhyming verses of two to four lines. A number of the funnier entries were comments about the works rather than actual summaries, but the Empress, typically, imperiously ignored her own directions.
4. "Remembrance of Things Past":
A plate of biscuits dunked in tea,
A distant childhood memory . . .
These incidents move Proust to jot a
Load of yadda, yadda, yadda.
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
3. "De Revolutionibus Orbium Coelestium":
Copernicus proves what we already knew:
The universe doesn't revolve around you.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)
2. the winner of the George Bush "pants on fire" doll:
Spielberg makes a dino-island
Guarded by an ocean moat.
When the dinosaurs escape,
They're going to need a bigger goat.
(Laura McGinnis, Takoma Park)
And the Winner of the Inker
"The Scarlet Letter":
Hester Prynne conceives in sin.
In Puritan excess,
She has to pay and wear that "A" -- "adulterer" -- on her dress.
She snubs Rev. Arthur Dimmesdale's pleas
that she expose the father.
She knows he's glad (this next
rhyme's bad) 'cause "A,"
it stands for "Arthur."
(Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)
Buried in a Nearby Plot
Anna loved Vronsky a fearsome amount,
And under a train, she went down for the Count.
(Mae Scanlan, Washington)