When a Kid Becomes the Caregiver

For the first few years, Castillo noticed few changes. Her mother still baked banana nut bread and took her shopping and to basketball games. In 2000, Turner married a fast-food manager she met online. Two years later, the family grew again, when Turner became the legal guardian of Anthony, a freckled 4-year-old who was put in foster care when his mother, a crack addict, left him alone in a hotel room.

But as the family was coming together, Turner's health began to fade. By the time Castillo was in middle school, fatigue gripped her mother. Turner stumbled when she walked, started using a cane, then a walker. Her husband, scared by the changes, left.

By Castillo's senior year at Dominion High, her mother was in a wheelchair. After a series of slips and falls, she had to leave her state government job and was relying on a disability check of about $2,700 a month, nearly half of which went toward health insurance.

That year, Castillo's day began at 6:30 a.m., when she awakened Anthony in the bed across from hers and went down the hall to check on her mom. She emptied the bedside "pee bag" and brought her mom breakfast and lunch. At school, Castillo used every minute of study hall to finish homework. Later, she worked at a day-care center, then hurried home to warm up frozen dinners. She usually set a card table next to her mom's bed so the family could eat together.

Anthony pitched in, too. He often brought Aunt Lynn a peanut butter and jelly sandwich after school or iced tea with the lid twisted off. When Castillo helped her mother into the car, Anthony loaded in her wheelchair. Sometimes, he crouched to guide her foot through the door.

Over time, Castillo's skills grew. She learned to move with her mother, to push her knees back so she wouldn't collapse, to still her legs when they shook with muscle spasms. She stayed calm when her mother cried out in unsteady panic. When her mother fell, Castillo sometimes called the fire department to help lift her from the parking lot or the bathroom floor.

Despite these demands, Castillo kept her focus on college. After a tough junior year, she aced 12th grade with almost all A's. Many other students saddled with such responsibilities do not fare as well. They struggle with grades or attendance or drop out of school, Siskowski said.

"It would have been very easy for her to make excuses, to say, 'This is so hard,' " said Dominion High's assistant principal, Michelle L. Quirin. "But she stayed focused on the future."

Although few teachers and administrators knew the extent of Castillo's responsibilities at home, they tried to be flexible when she came to school late after a morning of caregiving and a long commute.

The sturdy teenager with dimples and an earnest face said she tried not to let the stress overwhelm her. She turned to her grandfather and a friend for support. Her boyfriend, who was in a juvenile detention center, "always seemed to call at the right time," urging her to stay strong, she said.

It was different for Turner. Confined to her bed, with the drone of the television and the sound of her daughter washing dishes in the other room, the mother, usually hopeful and quick to laugh, had thoughts of despair and guilt.

"I hated having to rely on someone for everything," she said. "It wasn't fair to Aleyna. It was her senior year. She wanted to have fun, be successful. It was a tremendous weight on her."