The Bionic Woman's Toughest Mission

No, no, no. Jaime (Lindsay Wagner, back in the day) is supposed to be a tennis pro. She's the now-reunited childhood sweetheart of astronaut Steve Austin (Lee Majors, who could work a leisure suit), whom the government turns into the Six Million Dollar Man after he nearly dies in a test-flight crash. Later, Jaime nearly dies as well when her chute fails during a skydiving trip with Steve -- a common mid-'70s courtship ritual -- but he convinces his bosses that Jaime deserves bionics, too (and, in the process, her own spinoff).

Jaime is supposed to live in a converted barn in Ojai, Calif., with one of those groovy freestanding inverted-funnel fireplaces, like they used to give away on "The Price Is Right." Jaime can do housework really, really fast. And Jaime is supposed to drive a sporty Datsun!

Add to NBC's tinkering with the show's formula the fact that the network has hired Washington to portray some kind of mysterious government handler for the new Jaime. Washington, you'll recall, was fired in the spring from ABC's "Grey's Anatomy" after using a homophobic slur on the set in reference to a gay cast mate, then repeating the slur at the Golden Globes in the process of denying he'd said it in the first place. He filmed a public service announcement about hate speech, in a last-ditch effort to save his job, and when that didn't work, he lashed out in such a way that suggested, well, maybe he wasn't so sorry after all.

"He's sorry he got so much flak for it," says Queerty's Belonsky.

NBC initially played dumb about the controversy (network honcho Ben Silverman said during a press event in July that he "didn't quite understand what had gone on there." Right. . . ).

Meanwhile, Brit Chick Ryan isn't sporting velour in promos; Lindsay Wagner is nowhere to be seen, except as the bored TV pitchwoman for those bionic -- uh, we mean, Sleep Number -- beds; and, well, all is simply not right in Tinseltown.

Still, gay viewers have been drawn to the new "Bionic Woman," out of fondness for the original broadcasts in the '70s, or out of love for all things camp, or out of mere curiosity -- "to see how they update it, the new technology," observes Belonsky.

But is curiosity enough to override negative feelings about Washington?

"Most people don't want to see his career end," says Michael Jensen, editor of gay Web site AfterElton.com. Yet, "there aren't very many gay people who are eager to watch Isaiah Washington on another program."

The least NBC could do is put him in velour.