Mike Snafu Mars Petraeus Appearance

They lit the chandeliers in the Cannon Caucus Room and brought in extra flags. They draped blue cloths over folding card tables so 100 Members of Congress -- nearly a quarter of the House of Representatives -- could have a seat at the five-row dais. The star witness, Gen. David Petraeus, did a walk-through an hour before his testimony to get a feel for the place.

"I'm here on recon," explained the general, with four stars on each shoulder and a chest full of ribbons.

But, as is often the case with the Iraq war, even the most elaborate plans have a way of falling short.

When the moment finally came for Petraeus to give the testimony that could shape the future of the Iraq war, the commanding general in Iraq discovered that his microphone was dead.

"We will have to ask you to stand a bit closer to the microphone," said Ike Skelton (D-Mo), chairman of the House Armed Services Committee.

Still nothing.

"Would somebody please fix the microphone?" the chairman asked.

Nobody could.

After several minutes of increasingly desperate admonitions -- "I don't want to have to take a recess. Let's get it fixed. . . Are they fixed yet?" -- Skelton had an idea. "Is there any way to trade microphones from the front row to the podium?"

Nope. Those microphones were dead too. "We'll take a five-minute break," Skelton surrendered.

Alas for the chairman, his own microphone was working too well. As hecklers used the lull to shout from the back rows, Skelton leaned to his neighbor and -- evidently unaware that his words were being broadcast live on C-SPAN -- muttered, "That really [ticks] me off." He then employed a vulgar word referring to the lower gastrointestinal tract.

It was, perhaps, inevitable that the long-awaited appearance by Petraeus would not live up to its billing. With months of advance praise by the administration, and agreement on both sides of the aisle that the military "surge" he led in Iraq has been a tactical success, Petraeus was treated to Washington's equivalent of the Roman Triumph, when returning generals, wearing laurel wreaths and purple robes and riding in chariots, were greeted at the city gate by the Senate and led through a ceremony that included trumpeters and the sacrificing of white bulls.