NOTE: This archive only contains Carolyn Hax columns through March 2011. Her more recent columns are located here.

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By Carolyn Hax
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Howdy, Carolyn!

I've been married two years and we dated for more than two years before that. While we were dating, my wife forgot to tell me that she'd flip a switch and things would be totally different after I became her husband.

Before marriage, we used to do stuff I liked as well as stuff she liked. Now, if she doesn't want to do it, she won't do it.

Before marriage, she didn't have a problem with my many volunteer endeavors. Now, she believes I should just sit home with her.

Before marriage, I had alcohol in the house and she didn't have a problem with it. Now, there is no alcohol allowed in the house because she claims it's her religious belief and I should respect it.

She wants me to stop writing letters to the editor to the local newspaper. She believes it reflects poorly on her because she is married to me.

Before marriage, she lived at home. Now, she is constantly on the telephone with her grandmother, who raised her since early childhood. Her biblical beliefs have not extended to leaving her family and cleaving to the marriage.

I've offered counseling, but she won't go because she thinks I'm the one with the problems and I will manipulate the counselor to "my way," whatever that is.

Do you know of other females who are easygoing before marriage and then unleash all sorts of unreasonable demands after marriage, claiming, "That's what a husband should do"?

Who Stole My Wife?

Let's be clear. This isn't something "females" do; this is something the woman you married has done.

Hax-baiting aside, you present a classic marital bait-and-switch, which brides and grooms alike have suffered since cave newlyweds first discovered that all those heroic paintings were, in fact, painted by the previous dweller.


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