Tell Me About It

Dear Carolyn:

My mother-in-law is insisting she should be in the delivery room when my son is born. I don't want extra people in the room, anyone other than my husband and my own mother (I will be trying to do this drug-free).

My husband feels he is between a rock and a hard place, since his mother and I are both adamant. But I think I get to choose since I will be the one in labor.

I already told my MIL that I am uncomfortable with her presence during delivery, and she apparently spent a week crying about it, much to the dismay of my husband and father-in-law, who are pressuring me to change my mind because they are used to giving her her way when she does the drama thing.

But I feel it is important to set some boundaries and not be manipulated. Do you think I am being unfair?

Va.

I think I am chromosomally incapable of sympathizing with anyone who'd bully her way into the delivery room of a woman who has said to her face that she isn't wanted there.

Therefore, by extension, there's no sympathy here for your husband either, who is not between a rock and a hard place but between a sane and a stupid place. A bed and a couch place. A forehead and a hand place.

If he were writing to me, I would suggest he avail himself of this valuable opportunity to practice being your husband and your child's father, by letting his mother know where her family leaves off and where his begins. He can say very sympathetically that he understands how much this means to her, but that you and he have made your decision (note the two words of crucial backup): that you're the one running this marathon, your needs are paramount and the matter is closed.

But he isn't writing to me, so all I can do is encourage you to hold that boundary, and to pass along my suggestion to your husband. Maybe with a bit more diplomacy.