Worse Than Advertised

I watch an avalanche of college and pro football every weekend. Inexplicably, it has taken me all of my adolescence and most of my adulthood to reach a somewhat obvious conclusion:

Boy, there are a lot of commercials.

If you watch enough games on TV, you realize that all we do all day long pretty much is shave, swill beer, buy cars and seek pharmaceutical relief from erectile dysfunction.

Anyway, Couch Slouch is America's Viewer and, thus, America's Commercial Viewer, America's Slogan Buster and America's Product Tester. Here is a sample of my recent findings:

Taco Bell:"Think outside the bun." The new Cheesy Beefy Melt will never be inside or outside my bun.

Burger King: Going to Burger King to get the new Spicy Chik'n Crisp is like going to Boise to surf.

Pizza Hut:"America's Favorite Pizza." Uh, yeah, if America colonizes the Galapagos Islands and there are no other pizza joints on my block.

Domino's:"Get the door. It's Domino's". Dessert pizza? You get the door, I'm headed out to eat.

Subway:"Eat fresh." Fresh is good. Taste also would be nice.

Olive Garden: They have the "Never Ending Pasta Bowl" for $8.95. I guess it's asking too much for just one good bowl of pasta for, say, $7.95.

Tinactin:"Fast Actin' Tinactin." I challenge you to name a single person other than John Madden who uses this stuff.

Gillette:"The best a man can get." That's better than I want to be.