At the End of a Downhill Slide, Britney Spears Loses Custody

March 20: Spears checks out of the ritzy Promises Malibu clinic "after successfully completing their program," her manager says.

July 19: Spears storms out of an OK! magazine photo shoot that she had disrupted with suspicious bathroom breaks and her dog relieving himself on a designer gown.

Aug. 8: Federline files for primary custody of the kids.

Aug. 24: Federline films a guest-star part on "One Tree Hill," is praised as "a nice guy" by a co-star.

Sept. 9: A dead-eyed Spears wobbles through a panned performance on an MTV awards show. Federline throws a birthday party for the kids at his California home.

Sept. 17: Spears's lawyer and manager both quit.

Sept. 21: Spears is charged with hitting another car and driving without a license in L.A. Within days she is seen driving again.

Soiree for Thomas Irks Capitol Hill Neighbors

For every VIP party, there are unhappy neighbors -- especially on parking-challenged Capitol Hill. To wit: Wednesday's book party for Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas at the home of conservative commentator Armstrong Williams.

"Emergency No Parking" signs are posted on the streets near Williams's expansive Northeast home -- just three blocks from the court -- for six hours on the day of the party. Now residents already pressed to find a legal spot for their cars are grumbling. "People have parties," griped one. "They don't reserve two entire city blocks."

Williams told us the restrictions really are for security -- not just an excuse to make way for an expected 250 very fancy guests ( John Roberts and the other Supremes, Barbara Walters, Al Sharpton, Charles Barkley, Hill leadership, maybe Dick Cheney).

"I don't make those decisions," Armstrong said. "It's very unusual that all these public individuals would gather at a private home. Usually [the party] would be at a federal building."

Williams got the no-parking permit from D.C. police, then met with Supreme Court Police, Secret Service and Capitol Police. A spokesman for the Secret Service wouldn't comment on security procedures, but we know the feds aren't crazy about unoccupied vehicles.

And, in case you're wondering, there will be valet parking.

HEY, ISN'T THAT . . . ?

Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens at the Loews Georgetown theater Saturday night . . . to see "Into the Wild," the saga of a young man who seeks to escape hypocrisy and greed by trekking into Stevens's own Last Frontier State? Nope -- Stevens caught the Arizona flick instead, "3:10 to Yuma."

Sam Waterston dining with three others at Teatro Goldoni on Sunday night. The "Law & Order" star was in town for a Shakespeare Theatre gala; wore a suit with no tie; the group ordered cocktails, white wine, salmon, pasta with duck, mixed berries. Eerie coincidence: The actor, who often portrays Lincoln, arrived in a black Lincoln Town Car!

QUOTE

"Chelsea, call me up!"

-- Jenna Bush, giving a shout-out yesterday on NBC's "Today," the latest stop on the publicity juggernaut for her new book. Bush praised her first daughter predecessor for her poise; said she'd love to compare notes on their common experience: "It's a very small club."