By Marguerite Kelly
Special to The Washington Post
Friday, October 5, 2007

Q. Our 10 1/2 -month-old son is fairly sociable, loves to smile and laugh and has fun in day care, but how do I handle his curiosity? We have "baby-proofed" parts of the house, removing items that might hurt him or that we don't want him to break, but how do we give him safe areas to play and yet teach him to respect our things? Should we discipline him when he tries to touch them? Or should we get him interested in something else?

When we were on vacation, the rental home was full of objects he shouldn't touch and I was bothered by all the "no's" we had to give him. I also get upset when he won't sit in his car seat, which happens with me more than his dad. He just stands up and plays unless I push him into his seat and buckle him in place, but I hate these power struggles; I hate to see him cry and I worry that he is sad about something else entirely, even though he usually quiets down once he's buckled in and playing with a toy.

I know he can follow simple instructions because I saw him obey his teacher when she asked him to sit down. When I asked him to sit in his car seat, however, he simply laughed at me although I was using a kind and gentle voice.

I'm at a loss. I don't want my son to be like my nephews -- now 7 and 3 -- who show no respect for their parents and have no boundaries at all. And I don't want my husband and myself to be like their parents, who threaten to call the police if their boys don't behave but don't discipline them at all.

A.A 10-month-old is as impulsive as a pigeon but his sense of humor is considerably better.

Your little boy stands up in his car seat not because he's defiant but because he thinks his car-seat game is as much fun as peekaboo. If you're in a bigger rush than usual, however, or if he wants to play this game -- or any game -- longer than you do, he is sure to fuss when you tell him to stop.

Don't take it personally. Experience has simply taught your son that you're good for three or four rounds of Car Seat (or peekaboo) before you get cross; his dad is good for maybe two rounds and his teacher won't play this game at all.

A baby has many amazing abilities but his ability to read grown-ups is one of his finest. It takes only a couple of responses from a parent or a family friend or a neighbor before a little child knows how much foolishness they will accept and how their patience can vary from one activity to the next.

This time, though, your little boy has misread your cues, so you have to retrain him by turning your back and keeping absolutely quiet when he plays Car Seat, just as he looks away to tell you that he's tired of playing peekaboo. He'll first try to get your attention by acting silly and then he'll fuss for a couple of minutes and finally he'll sit down. Only then should you turn around, give him a big smile and say, "Thank you!" After a few days of that, he'll sit down without a fuss.

Whatever the occasion, your son is going to act his age, not yours, and he's going to be curious about everything, not just the things you want him to be curious about. You may have to shout "No" occasionally if he tries to do something dangerous and sometimes you'll have to distract him or pick him up if he tries to touch something he shouldn't touch.

Most "No's" will be unnecessary, however, if you keep all breakables and poisons out of reach, pack your books on the shelves so tightly he can't pull them out, empty wastebaskets every morning so he doesn't do it for you and keep these baby-proofing measures in place for the next two years. This may seem like a long time, but your son's friends will visit often and you can't expect them to learn your rules any sooner, even if he does.

To keep your little boy entertained, have a basket of toys and books in every room in the house, since he'll follow you wherever you go; let him play with your pots and wooden spoons in the kitchen; and leave big boxes in the living room occasionally so he can climb in and out of them. You'll look like an eccentric housekeeper but they will let him exercise both his body and his imagination and give him a wonderful time.

Questions? Send them toadvice@margueritekelly.comor to Box 15310, Washington, D.C. 20003.