Gene Voted Sexiest Man Alive

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But what if, without changing the story at all, we could use the not-really-a-lie defense? What if we goosed the headline just a teensy bit:

"Mukasey Beat Me With a Frying Pan, Says Blind Tot"

That sucker flies off the newsstands!

For your convenience, I've taken the liberty of applying the Crown Publishing standard to some other recent Post headlines, revising them to maximize sales. For example:

Boring old headline: "Archbishop of Canterbury Pleads for Compromise"

Bold new headline: "Archbishop of Canterbury Found to Be Hasidic Jew"

Boring old headline: "Girls Bask in Their New Destiny: Cheerleading"

Bold new headline: "Seven Dead in Nude Cheerleader Riot"

See how refreshing it is to be freed from the old-fashioned "truth" stricture? The sky's the limit!

Boring old headline: "D.C. Tuition Aid Program Might Get Income Test"

Bold new headline: "Bush: Women Should Not Wear Pants"

Boring old headline: "Giuliani's Speech at NRA Doesn't Reassure Skeptics"

Bold new headline: "Jolie, Pitt Linked to Ice-Pick Slay Gang"

What do you think, Boss? Do we give it a shot?

Incidentally, I'm enclosing a review copy of Andy Roddick Beat Me With a Frying Pan, in case The Post wants to, you know, pan it.

Gene Weingarten's e-mail address is weingarten@washpost.com.