A Faux Pas, Any Way You Cut It

I recently asked for a first date with a lady who had hinted to me that she would welcome a more-than-casual relationship between us. I took her to a pleasant and quiet restaurant, hoping that we could get to know each other better.

Her cellphone rang 10 minutes after our arrival, and she proceeded to have a lengthy conversation with the caller. A few minutes later, this was repeated with another caller and then, just after we finished our main course and were awaiting dessert, it happened again with a third caller.

From what I could hear of the conversations, none were of an urgent nature.

During the third call and subsequent conversation, I took sufficient cash to pay for our meals (plus a generous tip), placed it on the table, interrupted her long enough to say that perhaps we could do this again when she wasn't so busy and left her sitting there, cellphone in hand.

We had taken a cab to the restaurant, so I'm afraid she would have incurred the expense of a cab to get herself home.

Was I wrong to expect her to turn her phone off or at least inform her callers she was busy and promise to call back later? She has let all our mutual friends know how terribly rude I was to her.

That makes five instances of repeated rudeness on her side and none on yours, presuming that you handled the matter as civilly as you indicate. Miss Manners would say that you did the lady a favor by giving her the privacy to enjoy the relationships she already has.

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) atMissManners@unitedmedia.comor mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2007Judith Martin