ASK AMY

You should not compare your choices with anyone else's. If you have the sort of relationship with your niece that makes you inclined to send her a small gift (I would suggest a book or gift card for a modest amount), then go for it. Your niece might be touched and appreciative.

But you shouldn't confuse any gesture toward your niece with what your own kids will or won't receive at a future date.

Dear Amy:

My husband and I have four children and make tremendous sacrifices to send them to a private school and have them involved in extracurricular activities.

More and more we are being asked by other parents to contribute a specific amount (like $20) toward teachers' gifts, coaches' gifts, team sweatshirts, snacks for halftime and after games, party supplies for school, etc. For example, in sports we are easily spending double the sports registration fees.

I feel guilty if we don't contribute, broke if I do, and I'd rather not admit that we can't afford these extra requests.

If these costs are reasonable, then so be it -- we'll reevaluate what the kids do and where they attend school. What do you think?

Breaking the Bank

It's hard to say that these costs are unreasonable when they are costs that are intended to be spread through the entire community of parents.

However, I agree with you that this whole matter of extra costs should be scrutinized. We've talked about sports snacks before in this space, but speaking as a former high school and college athlete, I can't for the life of me wrap my head around why kids need snacks, snacks, snacks. At the very least, perhaps you could contribute to the discussion by finding a cheaper way to do snacks. I vote for oranges, cut into quarters, and water.