Sunday, December 2, 2007

The recent murder of a woman and her three children [Metro, Nov. 27] by her ex-husband demonstrates how a murder-suicide is often the culmination of a pattern of domestic violence.

Outsiders might simply characterize the couple's relationship as a "contentious divorce" and the acts of David Brockdorff and Gail Pumphrey as a mutual, petty struggle. Yet the facts of this case make clear that Brockdorff's behavior was that of a jealous and controlling man from whom his wife sought temporary legal protections and eventually a divorce to end his abusive behavior. The protective orders granted by the courts against Brockdorff, Pumphrey's divorce filings, and the criminal charges and civil motions filed when he would not respect the courts' orders to stay out of the home and pay child support represent a victim's struggle to protect herself and her children, not frivolous moves in an empty feud.

Most of us by now have heard of situations of unreasonable partners in divorce negotiations and of abuse allegations used as bargaining chips. Such cases should not blind us to the overwhelming numbers of victims who face tragic situations of abuse and must use the legal system, including the divorce process, to achieve some freedom from abuse and intimidation for them and their children. The patterns in controlling and abusive relationships must be labeled as such. Failure to do so risks missing warning signs that can lead to more abuse and even murder. Homicide in such a context is a final act of control over one's family. An abuser's suicide is usually not the result of being overwhelmed by the housing slump or unexpected legal bills but rather is the curtain call on his insistence on his right to control others.

In Maryland, more victims are coming forward to receive services from domestic violence programs and a positive response from police and other first responders. Although this has resulted in a reduction in reported incidents of partner abuse, 66 Marylanders have died as a result of family violence so far in 2007, including other child victims and men who committed murder and suicide. Eleven were children younger than 18.

Family violence needs a coordinated community response in which families, government, the clergy, health-care providers and the media give the same message -- that violence and intimidation will not be tolerated. Only everyone together can fashion a culture in which nonviolence, equality and respect are the hallmarks of family relationships.

Without recognizing the patterns of abuse for what they are, we run the risk of leading future victims to fear that they will not be believed if they come forward to seek legal protections or otherwise seek help to end violence in their homes. The public must be able to recognize the signs of abuse so that victims come to know that our society will support and protect them in their efforts to seek safety from domestic violence.

-- Michaele Cohen

Annapolis

-- Eugene S. Morris

Washington

The writers are, respectively, executive director and president of the Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence.