By Rachel Beckman
Saturday, December 1, 2007; C14

Whatever your holiday woes this season, be glad you don't have a mother like Gayle Kirschenbaum's (and if you do, get thee to a psychotherapist). The 13-minute documentary "My Nose" is about Kirschenbaum's decision whether to smooth out the bump atop her schnoz, but the film reveals more about the director's relationship with her mother, who has been "campaigning" for her daughter to have a nose job since she was a preteen. In a display of dazzling self-confidence (or masochism), Kirschenbaum asks random men to describe her nose. "It's like an intermediate ski slope," one says. Ouch.

"My Nose" is one of seven short films screening tonight at the Washington Jewish Film Festival's "Shorter Films, Bigger Lives" night. The festival kicked off Thursday and continues through Dec. 9.

The best narrative short of the bunch is director Rachel Israel's film "Brandon" about a bad first date. Actor Paul Wozniak steals the show as the title character, a goon who blows bubbles in his milk and says things like "Your glasses are scintillating. It's like you got four sets of eyes."

Don't miss "Unattached" about the meat market . . . er, social scene for Modern Orthodox singles on Manhattan's Upper West Side. The prospect of being unmarried at 25, 30 or (the horror!) 35 is so shameful that some of director J.J. Adler's sources requested to be interviewed with their backs to the camera. The most infuriating moment is when Rabbi Allen Schwartz of Congregation Ohab Zedek says, "If every woman in this room said, 'You don't touch me till you marry me,' then these guys will step forth a lot more quickly. Because they're getting a lot of the stuff that they're getting in marriage, just without the commitment." Yeah, blame those loose women. I'm sure the "singles crisis" has nothing to do with their communities, families or synagogues.

The films screen at 10:15 at the DCJCC. $10. 1529 16th St. NW. 202-777-3210.

GREAT OUTDOORS: Jolly Fat Men on the Run Don't be fooled by Patrick "The Sarge" Avon's military intensity: The annual Jolly Fat Man's Run that he organizes is one laid-back event. No clocks, no specific distance. It starts at the Bethesda entrance to the Capital Crescent Trail and goes 15 miles to Georgetown and back, but bailing out after five or three or (ahem) even one mile is acceptable. Proceeds go to the Marines Corps' Toys for Tots program, and participants get breakfast and an Under Armour T-shirt. Meet at 8 a.m. Dec. 8 at Ourisman Honda, 4800 Bethesda Ave., Bethesda. $44. 301-944-1230.

THE SCENE: New Year's Eve at Fur Hard to believe it, but it's December and time to think ahead to New Year's Eve plans. If you're the type who likes to watch the ball drop from the comfort of your couch and go to bed at 12:01 a.m., Fur Nightclub's annual bash is not for you. There, watch the ball drop with about 2,000 of your closest friends, enjoy a champagne toast, a three-hour open bar and live DJs on four dance floors. Advance tickets are $25 at http://www.furnightclub.com. Doors open at 8 p.m. 33 Patterson St. NE, 202-842-3401.

THE HOLIDAYS: Hallelujah Your Heart Out Guest conductor Barry Hemphill will lead the Kennedy Center Opera House Orchestra, soloists and a 200-voice choir in Handel's "Messiah." Audience participation (especially during the "Hallelujah" part) is encouraged. This is a popular event, so bundle up and get to the Kennedy Center the afternoon before the ticket giveaway (6 a.m. the morning of the distribution is the latest you should get there, we hear); the KenCen starts handing out tickets at 10 a.m. Dec. 8. Limit two per person. Concert: Dec. 9 at 2 p.m. 2700 F St. NW. 202-467-4600.

ON STAGE: Ghost Stories Irish playwright Conor McPherson's new drama, "Shining City," is about a widower (Edward Gero) who starts seeing his wife's ghost. When he seeks help from a therapist (Donald Carrier), we find out that the shrink, a former priest, has serious problems of his own. Studio Theatre has extended the run of "Shining City" through Dec. 30. $46-$49. 8 p.m. 1501 14th St. NW. 202-332-3300.

ON STAGE: The Hopper Opera Get the insider's scoop on "Later the Same Evening," an opera inspired by Edward Hopper paintings, at a panel discussion at the National Gallery of Art. Composer John Musto, librettist Mark Campbell and the cast of the opera will be on hand for an hour-long talk at 2 p.m. in the East Building Auditorium. The opera's final performance is at 6:30. Both events are free (first come, first seated). Constitution Avenue at Fourth Street NW. 202-737-4215.

FILM: The Red Elvis Here in the District we have the "black Elvis," or "Blelvis," but during the Cold War, there was the "red Elvis," or Dean Reed. The American-born singer was one of the most popular performers in South America, particularly in Argentina, where he adopted Marxism. He also starred in some films, which are playing this week at the Goethe-Institut. Learn the crazy story behind the man himself at a Dec. 10 screening of the new documentary "The Red Elvis." $4-$6. Through Dec. 17. 812 Seventh St. NW. 202-289-1200 for information, 800-494-8497 for tickets.

CONCERT: Dreamlike Electro Pop The Norwegian Embassy has already decked out Union Station with a tree and a model train exhibit, but those who want more Scandinavian culture can head to the KenCen. The band Adjagas performs joik music, a Norwegian chanting tradition from the indigenous Sami culture. "Adjagas" is a Sami word that describes the state between being awake and asleep; the band sounds similarly dreamlike. Free. 6 p.m. Kennedy Center Millennium Stage, 2700 F St. NW. 202-467-4600.

THE SCENE: Get Flat Bethesda's Gallery Neptune is selling original art on paper at this one-day event. Small works (no larger than 13-by-19 inches) by about a dozen Neptune artists will be propped up on tables and small easels for your perusing pleasure. Keeping with the theme, flatbread pizza will be served. Free. Noon-7 p.m. 4901 Cordell Ave., Bethesda. 301-718-0809.

FILM: More From Shohei Imamura The AFI Silver screens "The Ballad of Narayama," one of Imamura's two Cannes Palme d'Or-winning films. The story is set in an impoverished mountain village in which the old, no matter how healthy, are taken to a mountaintop to die when they reach age 70. But the reasoning, and the town, are much more complicated than you might think. $6.75-$9.75. Today at 4:30; tomorrow at 5:30; and Tuesday at 6:45 p.m. AFI Silver Theatre, 8633 Colesville Rd., Silver Spring. 301-495-6720.

HOLIDAYS: Scuba Santa Everyone has a picture with Santa. But how about a picture with Santa underwater? Didn't think so. Bring a swimsuit and $5 or a nonperishable food item to the Olney Scuba Adventure Dive Club's annual event, where you'll get a quick scuba lesson and an underwater picture with St. Nick. His secret for keeping the red hat from floating away: ankle weights inside the brim. Noon-4 p.m. Olney Indoor Swim Center, 16601 Georgia Ave., Olney. 301-610-4988.

ON STAGE: Warning: Offensive Material Comedian Kristen Schaal, best known for her role as Mel (the perhaps overly infatuated fan) on the quirky HBO series "Flight of the Conchords," brings her stand-up act to Arlington Cinema 'N' Drafthouse tonight. $15. 9:45 p.m. 2903 Columbia Pike, Arlington. 703-486-2345.

HOLIDAYS: Behind the Velvet Ropes It's frustrating to tour a mansion and see rooms and stairways blocked off. Find out what lurks on the rarely seen third floor of George and Martha Washington's pad starting today (turns out that's where Mrs. Washington lived after her husband's death). Enjoy free cookies and hot cider at the "Holidays at Mount Vernon." $13; seniors, $12; ages 6 through 11, $6; younger, free. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. daily through Jan 6. 3200 Mount Vernon Memorial Hwy., Mount Vernon. 703-780-2000.

HOLIDAYS: Jingle Bell Rock Out Bring a candle, a bell and your singin' pipes to the annual Wolf Trap Holiday Sing-A-Long, where the United States Marine Band plays Hanukkah songs and Christmas carols. The final song of the program will be "Silent Night," and people traditionally light candles during the last verse and exit the Filene Center in a procession. Wolf Trap will be collecting new, unwrapped toys for charity. Free. Door at 3 p.m., concert at 4 p.m., 1551 Trap Road, Vienna. 703-255-1902.

OPENING: Hope and Fear at AAC Curator Carol Lukitsch brings together eight area artists to explore their hopes and fears for a new exhibition at the Arlington Arts Center. (War and hurricanes top the "fear" list.) The exhibition opens Tuesday but a reception next Friday from 6-9 p.m. includes a dance performance by Lucy Bowen McCauley. "Hope and Fear" runs through Jan. 19. Free. Tuesday-Saturday, 11 a.m.-5 p.m. 3550 Wilson Blvd., Arlington. 703-248-6800.