A Starry-Eyed Salute

De Niro lamented his troubled characters (Travis Bickle in "Taxi Driver," Jake LaMotta in "Raging Bull"): "Just think, if you were directing me tonight in the Kennedy Center Honors, I would have already whacked Steve Martin."

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Scorsese fave Leo DiCaprio couldn't make it ("He's in Morocco," show producer George Stevens said regretfully at the Saturday dress rehearsal), but Cameron Diaz, one of his "Gangs of New York" stars, was there, perhaps channeling Jessica Simpson's verbal diarrhea from last year (Simpson claimed Dolly Parton made her nervous, and scuttled off the stage like a manic crab).

"I always say to [Marty], 'Your brain is so big,' " Diaz giggled. " 'You have such a big brain. Is it heavy?' " The audience tittered politely.

Then again, it's hard to creatively pay homage to a director who, when the job is well done, has an invisible hand.

Martin, with his multi-volume encyclopedia of shtick, was considerably easier.

You had Steve Carell remembering the first time he saw Martin perform: "His act was that of an idiot savant -- minus the savant."

You had bluegrass king Earl Scruggs spryly picking the banjo -- an instrument Martin plays.

You had a quartet of leggy dancers, clowning around from Bill Irwin, and a cameo by Martin Short.

You had a finale of Kristin Chenoweth crooning "Pennies From Heaven."

And yes, you did have someone saying, "Well, ex cuuuuuse me." It was Carell, and everyone seemed relieved when it happened.

Smokey Robinson (himself an honoree last year) kicked off Ross's tribute, remembering her as the pesky tomboy sis of a childhood pal and saying, "She wanted to be Diana Ross -- the one and only Diana Ross," which is the closest anyone came to "diva!"

He was followed by actor Terrence Howard, who recently starred with Ross's son, Evan, in "Pride."