Putting Some Ha-Ha in Ho-Ho-Ho
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The cheer, the lights, "The Nutcracker."
They are inescapable this time of year, steadily hammering home their reminders. "The holidays are here!" they say. "Buy something!"
A few events, however, recognize that there's inherent humor to the holidays and to Santa (his passion for lists is downright diagnosable, after all).
¿ Total. Utter. Santarchy. That's what will happen Saturday, when old Saint Nick will throw back a few before taking to the streets of D.C. And any guy or gal with a Santa suit can join the annual ritual of caroling across town (there is a handy songbook, with lyrics for tunes such as "Police Navidad"), handing out "presents" and letting strangers sit on Santa's lap. There are suggestions for imposing polite anarchy, including: "Watching Santa get drunk and obnoxious is fun. Babysitting Santa while they vomit in an alley is not." Free. 1 p.m. Meet at the outside steps of the National Museum of Natural History, 10th Street and Constitution Avenue NW. For a list of rules and the songbook, visit http:/
¿ TubaChristmas! Next weekend, tuba, sousaphone and euphonium players will converge on the Kennedy Center for this annual concert of holiday tunes -- as interpreted for the tuba! The performers merely show up the day of the performance. It's quirky, and it's free. 6 p.m. Dec. 14 at the Kennedy Center's Millennium Stage. 2700 F St. NW. 202-467-4600.
¿ Santa, the Sporting Man. Since 1986, a water-skier has donned a jolly red suit, raggedy white beard and warm black gloves and has taken to the Potomac River. He is known as Water-Skiing Santa (no names, please; he prefers, like the fat man, to maintain some semblance of anonymity). He is joined by the knee-boarding reindeer, Frosty in a dinghy and flying elves; they return for a 22-minute show Christmas Eve. Free. Dec. 24 at 1 p.m. View the show from Lady Bird Johnson Park, George Washington Memorial Parkway between 14th Street and Memorial bridges, Arlington. http:/
Save the Date
CONCERT: My, My, My. Break Out the Fade, Because New Jack Swing Is Back It'll be high school all over again when Keith Sweat and D.C.'s own Johnny Gill -- two of the leading names in the late-1980s R&B phenomenon that combined nuggets of hip-hop and boy-band harmonies -- hit DAR Dec. 29. With them comes the new generation: Raheem DeVaughn and Chrisette Michele (who played a set to a sold-out crowd at the Black Cat). $68. Dec. 29 at 8 p.m. DAR Constitution Hall, 1776 D St. NW. 202-397-7328.
FOR KIDS: The Tall Tales of Leo Lionni With the run of "The Phantom Toll Booth" all but sold out, it's time to look ahead to the KenCen's next kid-centric production, the Mermaid Theatre of Nova Scotia's staging of the late children's book author's "Swimmy," "Frederick" and "Inch by Inch" (using puppetry and original music). The shows, which are for ages 4 and older, run Dec. 27-31. $18. Family Theater, 2700 F St. NW. 202-467-4600.
CONCERT: Soulive The popular jam band blending jazz, hip-hop and touches of funk has opened for Meshell Ndegeocello and the Rolling Stones, winning its own fans along the way (including the kids of the jazz program at the University of Maryland, who lobbied for the band's visit). The group plays Clarice Smith on Feb. 10. $30; U-Md. students, $7. Clarice Smith Performing Arts Center, University of Maryland, Route 193 and Stadium Drive, College Park. 301-405-2787.
The District
Today
CONCERT: Accordion Punks on Books Brooklyn indie outfit One Ring Zero mixes touches of klezmer with theremin, brass and, gasp, brains, to create records that have attracted wide critical acclaim. And you can see the band free of charge today on the Kennedy Center Millennium Stage. 6 p.m. 2700 F St. NW. 202-467-4600.
Tomorrow
THE HOLIDAYS: The National Christmas Tree and Pageant of Peace The annual tradition of standing around the national "yule log" and hoping to get warm returns! After tonight's ticketed lighting ceremony (which you can try to get into as a standby if you line up around 3), you can see the display of decorated trees on the Ellipse beginning tomorrow. Free. Tomorrow, dusk-11 p.m., then daily 11 a.m.-11 p.m. through the first week of January. 15th and E streets NW. For information, call 202-208-1631.
Saturday
ON STAGE: The Music of Spike Lee Films, Now With More Bill Cosby! Okay, so it turns out Mookie won't be there because he had to bow out while he shoots a film in Italy. But perfectly unusual substitute Cosby is stepping in to host a concert of music from "Bamboozled," "25th Hour," "Jungle Fever" and "Malcolm X" (with clips) led by Grammy-winning trumpeter Terence Blanchard with vocalists Dee Dee Bridgewater, Kurt Elling and Raul Mid¿n. $20-$45. 8 p.m. Kennedy Center Concert Hall, 2700 F St. NW. 202-467-4600.
CONCERT: RRiiccee Moviemaker and provocateur Vincent Gallo ("Buffalo 66" and "The Brown Bunny") and Hole's guitarist Eric Erlandson join Rebecca Casabian and Nikolas Haas for this collective that specializes in improvised, genre-crossing experimental music. On tour, they'll visit the Rock & Roll Hotel for a rare seated show Saturday. $20. 10 p.m. 1353 H St. NE. 202-388-7625 or get tickets in advance at http:/
Maryland
Today
ON STAGE: "Santaland Diaries" Returns Like a reprieve from all the cheer comes Rep Stage's performances of the play based on David Sedaris's autobiographical laugh riot about his time as a Macy's mall elf named Crumpet. Last year, the whole run of the well-reviewed show was sold out, so it's promising to hear that its star, Bruce Nelson, is back again for more retail abuse, um, therapy. $12-$25. 7:30 tonight, tomorrow at 8, Saturday at 2:30 and 8 p.m. Various times through Dec. 23. Slayton House Theatre, 10400 Cross Fox Lane, Columbia. 410-772-4900 or http:/
THE HOLIDAYS: Bet My Gingerbread House Is Bigger Than Your Gingerbread House Only a few more days are left to see the two dozen or so gingerbread displays at Darnall's Chance House Museum, which hosts an annual competition among local bakers. The designs are always creative: This year, look for a treehouse inspired by "The Swiss Family Robinson," a carousel, and even a ski slope accident crafted from, yes, gingerbread. $1. Noon-5 p.m. daily through Sunday. 14800 Governor Oden Bowie Dr., Upper Marlboro. 301-952-8010.
Tomorrow
FOR FAMILIES: "Gumdrops and the Funny Uncle" Liz Lerman Dance Exchange's latest production blends shadow puppets, video, spoken word and dance for a performance full of holiday spirit. But it also makes a statement about the stereotypical image of family and what, in fact, families really can look like: diverse, blended, adoptive, biracial, led by a single parent or gay parents. We expect a lot from the troupe, which is known for its inventive pieces, such as one inspired by genetic research and another involving two actual bulldozers "twirling" alongside dancers. $16; students and seniors are $8. Tomorrow at 8 p.m. and Saturday at 3 and 8 p.m. (pre-performance workshops are one hour before shows). Round House Theatre, 8641 Colesville Rd., Silver Spring. 800-494-8497.
Northern Virginia
Today
CONCERT: Moya Brennan's Irish Christmas The longtime heavenly-voiced frontwoman of the Irish folk outfit Clannad is now a popular solo performer, and she visits the Birchmere tonight with her band to perform classic Celtic tunes celebrating "An Irish Christmas." $25. 7:30 p.m. 3701 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria. 202-397-7328.
EXHIBIT: "Dark Matters" The Art League Gallery opens its show of photos by Baltimore-reared Frank Fierstein today. The images, which Fierstein created by forgoing digital technology in favor of film and darkroom, explore darkness and shadows, spaces of the psyche that he contends people don't often explore. (Go during the reception Sunday from 2 to 4 p.m.) Free. Torpedo Factory Art Center, Art League Gallery, 105 N. Union St., Alexandria. Free. 703-683-1780.
ON STAGE: "The House of Yes" Washington Shakespeare Company stages -- just in time for the holidays! -- Wendy MacLeod's tongue-in-cheek contemporary version of Edgar Allan Poe's incest-tinged "Fall of the House of Usher." This one's set in McLean (yes, that McLean) in 1983, and a young man is bringing home his fiancee to meet his wealthy, nutty family. Nut No. 1, however, is his twin sister Jackie-O, who's not quite ready to give him up. Shows are pay-what-you-can tonight through Saturday at 8. After that, tickets are $25-$35. Various times through Jan. 13. Clark Street Playhouse, 601 S. Clark St., Arlington. 800-494-8497 or http:/
