Secret Santa Exposed!

Now they are asked to buy presents for other employees, whose habits and private lives are none of their business.

Miss Manners can think of better ways for management to encourage office cheer. In order of cost, they are: Bonuses. Time off. Praise.

Dear Miss Manners:

I am a 45-year-old mother of three, and about five years ago, I decided to start coloring my hair to cover up the gray. My color of choice is blond.

The three hours I spend at the hairdresser every six weeks is my only luxury. When I come out, I feel relaxed, young and beautiful. I get plenty of compliments. However, there are people who will point out that "that's not your real color." Usually, I laugh and say it's part of my midlife crisis, but I don't think I need to justify why I chose to go blond, nor should these people be able to go away thinking they were right in insulting a person.

Do you have any suggestions for polite, yet assertive responses that would gently yet firmly put these people in their place?

Would it be of any comfort to know that these busybodies are every bit as active advising those of us who do not color our hair to do so?

No, and it shouldn't be. Having other people pick over one's hair is revolting.

Miss Manners does not advise you to taunt a person who has just been proven to be rude. Your answer should be a soft, "Why, that's very kind of you to point that out."

The phrasing prompts the other person to say an automatic "thank you" that is choked off with the realization that gratitude is neither meant nor deserved.

Feeling incorrect? E-mail your etiquette questions to Miss Manners (who is distraught that she cannot reply personally) atMissManners@unitedmedia.comor mail to United Media, 200 Madison Ave., New York, N.Y. 10016.

2007Judith Martin