Week 745: Hurry Up and Slow Down!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

To make life go faster: Combine all acupuncture sessions into a single one, so you have 622 needles in you at the same time.

To make life go slower: Keep everything about NASCAR races the same except that the drivers now have to use little kids' pedal cars.

Don't you feel as if life is just speeding by in an incomprehensible blur? Well, not if you're at the DMV, as we'll learn below. Fifty-six-time Loser Bill Spencer of Baltimore suggests that we come up with solutions for a too-fast or too-slow world. This week: Suggest particular ways that would slow life down, or ways that would speed it up, as in Bill's examples above. You can suggest pairs of related entries, but it's not required.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets a bright red inflatable pop-up punching bag, sent as a promotion for the cable show "Bounty Girls." A blank-faced human is drawn on it, and there's a place to slide the photo of your choice over the blank face. Awww.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 31 (I mean, what else is there to do?). Put "Week 745" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Jan. 19. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Larry Yungk; this week's Honorable Mentions name is by Kevin Dopart.

Report From Week 741

in which we asked for "life lessons" that might be learned at any of four venues or situations we specified:

4. On the pot: It's only when you get to the end of the roll that you realize just how little toilet paper you really need. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

3. From watching a presidential campaign debate: You ask what life lessons can be derived from watching a presidential campaign debate? That's a very good question. As my father, who worked 37 years in a textile mill, once said . . . (Roy Ashley, Washington)

2. the winner of the Poo-Pooing (candy) Santa:

From watching a presidential campaign debate:"No Interest Till 2008" isn't just for Big Marty's Mattress Warehouse anymore. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

And the Winner of the Inker

On the pot: Floor tile installers must all be Nazis -- why else would I keep seeing so many ways to form swastikas? (Fred Dawson, Beltsville)

Less On: Honorable Mentions

Lessons learned at the supermarket:


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