A Road to Faith, Lined With Questions

How can 2,000-year-old Scripture be accurate?

How can a loving God allow so much suffering on Earth?

How do I know Jesus is really the son of God?

These weren't small questions; they undermined the cornerstone of my faith. And while I knew that I no longer wanted to believe halfheartedly, I was terrified of what I might find as I searched for answers.

What if I discovered the God I believed in didn't exist?

I soon proved to be my own worst enemy. I have always liked certainty, at times to the point of obsession -- I'm the guy who double-checks where his flash drive is before going to bed to make sure it didn't vanish -- and now I was trying to make palpable my faith in a God who requires belief in what is unseen.

Instead of soul-searching, I researched. The next six months involved lots of reading. I read books on Christian theology and devoured scripture. During freshman orientation, while others toured fraternities and socialized at the university's casino night, I sat alone in my dorm room, hunched over the Bible in my lap, poring over verses in the book of Hebrews with a highlighter.

Chapter 11 told me God rewards those who earnestly seek Him. I was earnestly seeking, and so I expected if I read enough I would find a line or two that contained incontrovertible proof that God was who He said He was and that his message was true. I didn't care if it spoke to the rest of the world as long as it brought me back to the unshakable faith of my youth.

It seemed like a reasonable enough expectation at the time.

As I continued my search I began to find answers. I read "The Case for Christ" and "The Case for Faith" by Lee Strobel, who examined some of the questions I had been asking. Strobel provided adequate explanations to such issues as biblical accuracy, suffering and whether Jesus could be God's son. But ultimately I wondered how I could trust Strobel or anyone else. It now seemed that no one's word was good enough for me.

I soon realized God's existence is not a matter of fact. Scripture, theology and personal testimonies provide plenty of evidence to support Christianity, but it could all be explained away if I looked hard enough. I needed to decide if I was willing to accept the evidence as true, even in the face of reasonable doubt. I had been a Christian for more than a decade, but I was just now learning what having faith really meant.

Finally I made my decision. After a restless Sunday afternoon spent reading and staring at the ceiling, I leapt from my upper bunk and with my head lowered to the carpeted floor, prayed. I admitted to God there was no way for me to understand everything about Him. But while I would continue to ask hard questions and seek answers, I would also choose to accept the evidence and believe.

Relief began to wash over me, and that night I slept as soundly as a 6-year-old.