Tricky Money Issues

If you've ever found yourself in an uncomfortable situation involving money and a friend or loved one, then you have to read this month's Color of Money Book Club selection.

I've chosen "Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?" (Free Press, $21) by Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz. This book might help you avoid losing a dear friend or family member.

Since writing the column, I've already heard from a number of readers about one issue that's discussed in the book -- how to split a check. Here's what some of you had to say:

Dave Donley of Longmont, Colo., writes about a co-worker's experience with splitting the check: "While his work-team was traveling, they would all go out to dinner. Since they were all on per-diem, many would order as much food as they could, then split the check. To make sure he wasn't being charged disproportionately, my friend felt compelled to pattern that behavior. This became known as his theory of 'defensive eating.'"

Kristy Cartier of Herndon, Va.., writes: "In my case, it was my boss who decided that we should divide the check equally among nine people. How do you challenge that? Some co-workers had ordered expensive... drinks/meals and appetizers. I had eaten frugally ($10). Due to the generosity of another co-worker, I didn't have to cover my portion ($30). But, it was still an uncomfortable situation."

Others refuse to pay for more than they eat:

Arnold, Md., resident Jean Miles said, "Several years ago a friend invited me to go with her church group to see a play at Ford's Theater. Beforehand, we had lunch at the Old Union Station. I ordered a nice salad (about $6), while others had full meals ($l0-12). There was the suggestion that we split the check. I, the outsider, spoke up in protest. The people in the group looked at me as though I was a leper. The experience ruined the day for me."

"People just don't talk about money until the last minute. Individuals should discuss how the bill will be paid before the waiter comes. A [date] took me to a nice restaurant and a play. Two days later I received an e-mail stating that I owed $100! I was shocked. I didn't give the person anything," said Marissa of Memphis, Tenn.

"I often go out to eat with a good friend. We alternate paying the whole check. Neither of us orders an excessively expensive meal or drink and it all evens out in the end. I have one friend that always over orders so I ask for a separate check when I place my order. It irritates her but that's life," said Sheila Sandford of Herndon Va.

As for me, I mostly just like to pay for what I eat. I don't understand why people have a problem with pulling out a calculator and figuring out what they ordered and then chipping in for their share of a nice tip. You know what you ordered. You know the exact price of each item. Why is it that the person who doesn't want to split the check is seen as a cheapskate? There are times when if everyone ordered about the same thing at the same price, I don't mind - for ease - to split the check evenly. But often ordering isn't even. And I'm not a fan of the thinking that everything eventually evens out - you pay more this time, I might pay more next time. That means people have to keep a mental accounting. That makes my head hurt and it's a practice that's prone to abuse.

But the last word comes from our authors who responded to a "Let's split the check" episode I wrote about in my Sunday column:

"We're biased, of course, but good for you for refusing to pay for someone else's extravagant lunch," wrote Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz." If more people responded as you did, there wouldn't be much of a market for our book, but the world would be a better place."