Working the Network and Liking It, Too
There Are Ways to Overcome The Awkwardness of Socializing

By Gabriel Goldberg
Special to The Washington Post
Sunday, January 27, 2008

Networking -- the social time before or after a business function -- can bring on nightmares for many otherwise fearless career warriors. It's daunting because it involves (shudder) meeting people face to face and talking to strangers. It can rank with spamming and telemarketing in social acceptance.

But the double whammy of fear and distaste is tremendously unfair to something that can be beneficial to all concerned -- and can even be enjoyable.

Networking is just meeting others so that you can exchange help, advice and introductions. It's not pushy or sordid, said Jeanine Cogan, a leadership coach in Takoma Park. Rather, it's a way to build relationships. It's also an "opportunity to reveal your character and competence, and to support others in their successes," she said.

At events, being the person with answers will endear you to others and help overcome inhibitions. But you needn't leave your comfort zone or be pushy. For example, wait until a conversational connection is established before you offer a business card.

It's always a challenge getting started when you arrive at an event if you don't know anyone there or are shy. A little preparation works wonders. Practice a 30-second "elevator speech" introduction that encourages people to ask questions. Don't worry about fumbling -- most others are equally ill at ease and will appreciate your icebreaker. A great first line can be, "What brings you here?"

A common dread is being trapped with someone, unable to escape. It's easy to disengage with a neutral, "Excuse me, I'm going to circulate" remark or a comment about fetching food or drink or visiting the restroom.

There are pitfalls to avoid. Kristen King, a freelance writer and consultant near Richmond, said the worst mistake is "talking only about yourself instead of getting to know the other person."

"If you're totally egocentric in your marketing, people will avoid you like the plague," she said.

Small things increase networking's effectiveness.

For instance, when offering a business card, write a key word or phrase on it to remind the recipient of your conversation. Similarly, make a note on cards you receive about why you have the card. (Even more daunting than networking is calling someone to ask why you have his card.)

Ardell Fleeson of McLean, former membership director at the Tower Club in Tysons Corner and a frequent speaker on business networking, warns against running out of cards because that costs you the most important part of networking: follow-up. Without it, she said, networking is worthless.

Networking needn't be face-to-face. Applying a few timeless truths of online presence lets freelancers and telecommuters stay in touch and build credibility.

When e-mailing in a business context, use a professional-sounding e-mail address (no "jgz9635@hotmail.com") and include a short signature text block with contact information and perhaps a concise phrase conveying your identity, skills or interests.

On discussion lists, be brief and polished, avoiding too-cute phrasing or shortcuts. Quote just enough of what you're answering to establish context, and don't answer everything, lest you be thought a windbag. Without normal conversational cues such as facial expression and body language, it's easy to be misconstrued, so never take online exchanges personally.

Crucially, remember that the Internet never forgets. Casual remarks, intemperate flame wars and unadvisedly revealed personal information can be unearthed by Google searches. Don't risk losing a possible job over something you would like to -- but can't -- reclaim.

King said the easiest thing about networking in the Washington area is finding opportunities because dozens of professional groups hold events every week.

Before you head out, Cogan suggested, list what you hope to give and get so you're prepared and relaxed, and enjoy yourself while accomplishing your goals.