On Va. House Panel, a Stampede Against Illegal Immigration

Anyone -- not just illegal immigrants -- who speaks a foreign language and is convicted in a trial in Virginia would be required to pay for an interpreter.

And if you're thinking of renting out a single-family house, you'd face fines if you let more than four unrelated people live there. "If 30 people can live together in a house, their rent is cheaper, and that gives them an unfair advantage over legal Americans," says Del. Bob Marshall, a Prince William Republican who wrote more immigration-related bills than any other legislator. "My bill says that even if you have the 12 apostles in the house, if they're unrelated, you're going to be fined."

(Lest you think Marshall is antagonistic to immigrants, he hastens to note: "We're all made in God's image; I'm more angry at the employers who give them jobs than I am at the poor folks coming over the border.")

Through rain an' wind an' weather

Hellbent for leather

So the boys -- there is one woman among 15 members -- on the Rules Committee are having a whale of a time, pushing through the bills, racking up points with their angry, frustrated constituents. Who cares if most of the bills are destined to die in the Senate? What's it to you if a fair number "are unconstitutional bills that everyone wants to do but can't?" Not my words, but those of Del. David Albo, a Fairfax Republican who is sponsoring several immigration bills.

Rather than concoct new ways to make life miserable for immigrants, Albo says it makes more sense "for all of us to agree that people who commit crimes should all be looked at for their legal status, whether they have a Hispanic accent or they talk like [Terry] Kilgore," the delegate from Gate City known around the Capitol for his syrupy drawl. "We can at least tee them up for [U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement] to go get 'em."

Or maybe the legislative frenzy won't amount to much. "Some of these are just show bills," Cuccinelli says. "Some certainly have constitutional problems. At the end of the session, the result won't match up to the public's expectation. We're taking a shot at fixing it, but the election went the way it did."

Despite the noise from the loud minority devoted to driving illegal immigrants back where they came from, voters were swayed by other concerns and handed control of the Senate to Democrats last fall. But in Richmond, House delegates stick to their old ways.

Don't try to understand 'em

Just rope, throw, an' brand 'em

Soon we'll be livin' high an' wide.

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