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Inside a Suicidal Mind
"From external appearances, she seemed fine," Troy Crites said of his daughter, Rachel, who committed suicide a year ago.
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On a January day when school was out, the teenagers went out for bagels, made a stop for shampoo, then decided to go horseback riding in Anne Arundel County.
On the way there, they took a wrong turn and ended up at a gate near the National Security Agency. There was trouble.
The younger teen was cited for driving without a license and given a mandatory court appearance, Crites said. The older teen was cited for allowing her to drive and ordered to pay a $165 fine.
Unaware, Crites talked to his daughter by cellphone shortly after the ticket was issued. She seemed fine. But in the minds of the teenagers, he now believes, the event loomed large. Once before, they had been grounded and thus separated. "I think the ticket just freaked them out, the fear of being separated."
"They found in each other the nurturing they did not find elsewhere in life," he said. "They could not stand the idea of being apart."
Abandoning the idea of horseback riding, the two went to see the fantasy film "Eragon." There, in a Gaithersburg theater, he said, "I think they sat there and got scared. I think they decided."
It was after the movie, Crites would later learn, that the teens went three times to a Rockville gun store, trying to buy ammunition for one of several inherited firearms Crites had in a keepsake closet.
Later, they asked their parents for permission to have a sleepover, went to dinner together and watched the movie "Grease." Crites left for work the next day thinking all was well.
But the teenagers went for a fourth time to the gun store. Still unsuccessful, they went to Home Depot for a hose and duct tape. They drove to West Virginia.
In an isolated area out of view, the girls committed suicide -- that day, Crites believes. Their bodies went undiscovered for two weeks, despite an intensive search by family, friends, even strangers.
In the past year, Crites has thought a lot about what he might have done, and what other parents should know. As a starting point, he believes parents should be better informed about suicide.
In Rachel's case, he said, he wishes he kept closer tabs on her emotional state, going so far as to read her journals, especially after her first suicide attempt.
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