Check the Chocolates, Flowers at the Door

Probably the fancy reservations have been made, the attire chosen. Flowers were ordered and poems written. Probably you're madly in love with someone who's madly in love right back, and both of you own stock in Hallmark and spend most of the year counting down the days until Valentine's Day.

Probably.

If that's the case, we apologize: Move along. There's nothing for you here.

And if not, well . . . welcome!

We'd like to present a few, uh, alternative agendas for the evening of Feb. 14. Regardless of your relationship status, there's no reason to sit home.

Candlelight, schmandlelight. Let's just go have a good time.

Up in Flames

Some kids never listen. And then they grow up to be fire eaters. Or fire throwers. Fire hula hoopers. And lucky they do, 'cause you get to watch! Palace of Wonders has a full lineup that, according to the Web site, "promises to get you HOT" on Valentine's Day." They're not kidding: Even from the second floor you can feel the heat and smell kerosene when the flame-loving performers Flights of Fire take the stage.

It's a real gas (sorry , sorry), but it's also pretty popular, so get there early if you want a good view of this pyro show.

LOVE'S ON FIRE Thursday at 9:30. Palace of Wonders, 1210 H St. NE, 202-398-7469.http://www.palaceofwonders.com. $10.

Get the Story

Got a V-Day tale to tell? Great -- here's a microphone. Really. The folks at SpeakeasyDC will set you up with the whole shebang: stage, audience, a little mood music. You just have to wax away. Or, if you're feeling voyeuristic, just sit and listen. The storytelling group meets monthly, each time with a different theme, and always attracts a crowd. Not surprisingly for this evening the group is looking for stories of "love, lust and heartbreak." That pretty much covers everything, doesn't it?