I Do, but You Don't.

Financial differences can become even more pronounced in a weakening economy. "What comes out more strongly is that not having enough money to pay all the bills during the month is a huge source of couple distress, and for couples who are living together, it makes them less likely to get married, and for couples who are married, it makes them more likely to get divorced," said Pamela Smock, a sociology professor at the University of Michigan who has interviewed about 300 couples.

Several therapists in the area said many couples have recently started seeking financial advice.

"I think people have been lulled into living beyond their means, and so they're overextended and that makes them feel unsafe now that things don't look as rosy," said Elizabeth Sloan, a professional counselor who practices in Glenn Dale and Frederick. "That feeling of not being safe then drives their fears, and everything that their partner does regarding money is now under scrutiny."

Kathleen and Danny Goldstein said they don't feel overextended but are certainly worried about the economy. One of their priorities, they said, is to have an emergency fund with enough money to cover three months' worth of expenses. They are also determined to remain debt-free in case either loses a job.

"The possibility of a recession makes us nervous," said Kathleen Goldstein, 33, though not to the point of therapy. Her husband, 31, sells information technology to the federal government, and "if they are not funded, it affects his job," she said.

She is a communications consultant who works on contract. "It makes me nervous because in times of recession, companies and organizations cut their communication and marketing budgets first," she said.

Jill Foster, 37, and Sean Stickle, 35, are not in couples therapy but credit premarital counseling with helping them avoid huge arguments over money. Recognizing the consequences of not talking through their financial future, Foster insisted on having a frank discussion with Stickle before marrying him eight years ago.

"I said something like, 'You know what, Sean, I know it's about happiness and love, but in addition to that, we need to talk long-term about money,' " Foster said.

Stickle, a computer programmer, was happy to relinquish most of the financial authority to Foster, a consultant for nonprofit organizations. He admits he's profligate with money when it comes to buying books. He has also, he said, failed to pay a gas bill from time to time, not because he didn't have the money but because he simply forgot.

"She is the financial manager of the family, and to the extent that we are financially secure, it is all her doing. I contribute mostly by not screwing it up," he said.

Over the years, the couple merged their bank accounts, their incomes, their debt and their financial habits. They live frugally in a 600-square-foot, one-bedroom rental in Dupont Circle. Together, they make about $75,500 a year.

In January 2006, they had an epiphany. Despite having declared saving for retirement as their priority, they spent $11,000 on restaurant meals the previous year. "We were living a contradiction," Foster said.