I Do, but You Don't.

Foster became even more of a strict financial manager. She started using Quicken to keep track of all their expenditures. She made sure 12 percent of their income went toward retirement. She cut their restaurant budget to $1,500 a year.

Her efforts caused some tension, she said. "I wanted to be fiscally conservative, probably to a suffocating degree, and Sean wanted to probably enjoy our money a little bit more," she said.

Stickle disagrees that there were any substantial disagreements.

"The only thing we've disagreed about is when I buy a book outside of the budget, and that is usually resolved by me apologizing and not doing it again for a month or so," he said.

Therapists, counselors and financial advisers said opposites attract when it comes to money. Impulse buyers often end up with savers. "When we partner, when we mate, we look for someone who represents the other side of the emotional coin," said Marty Tashman, a counselor based in Somerset, N.J., who has treated many couples who feud over money.

That can wreak havoc on a relationship unless couples learn how to communicate in a respectful manner. That means not accusing your partner of being a financial disaster when he or she makes a poor decision or has more debt than you do. It also means being considerate when you're the partner with the higher income, and allowing your spouse to have a say in financial matters. Experts advise coming up with a household budget together and having regular money meetings. One partner can be the financial manager, but both have to have input.

"For women, if they make significantly less money than their husband, especially if they're not openly discussing it, it can create difficulties in terms of decision-making and who has more input in financial decisions," said Susan Fago, a licensed clinical social worker in Dupont Circle.

When the woman makes more than the man in the relationship, "that has its own set of problems," Fago said. "In our culture, men are expected to be the providers, so it takes a very mature and open supportive relationship for people to be able to deal with those issues."

The bottom line, she said, is that the "ability to generate income is part of our self-esteem and sense of worthiness, unfortunately."

Russell often wonders if she should get a higher-paying job. She makes $32,000 a year as a parent educator at a nonprofit youth center. She has also taken a part-time job as a nail technician so she can contribute more to the household. Guzman, her husband, makes more than $100,000 as the owner of a commercial cleaning business.

He covers the mortgage on their Silver Spring house, sets aside money for their emergency fund and finances their frequent weekend trips to Miami or jaunts to Mexico. She pays utilities and any costs associated with their dogs.

Russell could be making more money doing other work. But she loves her job, so Guzman is willing to help her keep it. "I told her what you have to do is follow your passion," he said.