Pairs With Spares

Of course, sex is a part of love. Which is why the pastor leading "Love and Marriage in Bible Times" finds herself talking really loud to combat the noises coming from the tantric sex workshop next door. Which is why another workshop deals with the proper way to navigate a "threesome, foursome, or moresome."

Which is why a lot of monos think the whole thing is a racket, just an excuse to get some.

There is a whole lot of public nuzzling going on at Poly Living.

But the sex vs. love question gets boring quickly. And really, is there anything going on at the convention that we haven't seen on "A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila"?

What you really want to know, after spending a weekend with triads and quads and V's and other combinations of mostly happy-looking people, is this: What does it mean to have a healthy relationship?

Is polyamory the look of modern love?

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"One thing I like to say is, polyamory ain't for sissies."

This is Anita Wagner, 54, a legal secretary with a buoyant Tennessee drawl, flowing clothes and cheerful lipstick. She has a comfy mom-ness about her that says: I give amazing hugs.

If there is such a thing as a typical poly story at this conference, Wagner's is it. She drove up from Jessup, Md., with one of her partners, Jim. Like a lot of the middle-aged attendees at this conference, Wagner was married, twice -- traditional I-Do marriages that weren't supposed to involve cheating but did anyway. Whose cheating?

"Let's just say," she demurs, "that cheating touched my life in a variety of ways."

She thought she might be bisexual, but ignored those feelings to focus on raising her daughter. Once the second divorce was over and the daughter was grown, she acknowledged something about herself: "I realized that, being the bighearted person I am, I was denying myself something that we all need."