The Empire Strikes Back

"Fire Isiahus!!!"

As noted by the Roman poet Juvenal, all Romans were interested in was "bread and circuses." The famed Circus Maximus -- despite exorbitant ticket prices and inadequate parking -- was filled every weekend with wrestling matches, lute concerts and monster chariot pulls.

It was a land in which supreme prosperity led to base gratification. In the year 63, for instance, Nero fired his chief of staff after a fourth-place finish in his fantasy gladiator league.

Other sporting excesses were in overabundance:

¿ Secondary schools let out early to watch the World Series of Rock Throwing.

¿ Institutions of higher learning were handing out javelin scholarships like so many beads at Mardi Gras.

¿ Marcus Aurelius tried to use public monies to implode the Colosseum and replace it with a retractable-roof facility.

¿ Several top marathoners reportedly were using bottled water brought in from Crete.

Well, the imperious Romans eventually tumbled -- to this day, you can't get a good steam and a rub in that part of the world -- and, centuries later, Team USA reigns. But, my friends, we are teetering in broad daylight, for we love our games often at the expense of our needs.

I am reminded of something ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit said before the Ohio State-Michigan football game in 2006: "When I was in high school, when I started to realize I was going to play at a pretty high level of football in college and it was the middle of the Cold War. . . . I used to go to bed praying to hold off nuclear bombs until I got a chance to play in the Ohio State-Michigan game."

He got his wish, and on the downside of American civilization, the band plays on.

Ask The Slouch

Q. I am a journalism major at Georgia Southern University. If I graduate in May, may I use you as a reference on my r¿sum¿? (Derek Wiley; Commerce, Ga.)