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Short Maternity Leaves, Long Deployments
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What is most heart-wrenching, Shaw said, is "not seeing all the firsts that moms get to see. . . . I have to see it on video or get it in pictures." At the same time, "I have a lot more worries because he's thousands of miles away," she said.
In late October, Shaw and her husband took a two-week leave to Appleton, Wis., where Connor's grandmother, Joan Baerenwald, is caring for the baby. Baerenwald is the one who kisses Connor's scrapes while her husband, Dan, works at the local paper mill. She is the one Connor calls "Mama."
"I told my daughter, 'Don't be surprised, don't get upset,' " Baerenwald said in a phone interview, explaining that Connor simply cannot say "Grandma" yet. "You're not taking away their motherhood," she said, but she admits that Shaw is "missing out on so much of Connor."
During the visit to Wisconsin, Shaw was relieved to find that Connor did not cry or fuss when she picked him up, but Baerenwald had to help her with "little quirks" in eating and sleeping, Shaw said.
The Shaws took Connor alone to visit Brad's parents in Maine, where they "learned he's a handful," Baerenwald said.
In a drab room back in Baghdad, Shaw is comforted somewhat by the thought that her son does not know he is without his parents. "I'd rather be here now than maybe when he's 4 or 5 and he's saying, 'Where's Mom? Where's Dad?' " she said.
As she packs a box of gifts -- a teddy bear, a tiny Operation Iraqi Freedom hat and a T-shirt that says "My Mom is over there" -- Shaw shares the hope of having another child someday. But of how she would do that, with an obligation to stay in the Army until 2010 and the prospect of more deployments, she said simply: "I have no clue."
