Tom Ricks's Inbox

By Tom Ricks's Inbox
Sunday, February 24, 2008

The e-mail below reminds me of sitting in a Humvee in Iraq at night, listening to some wiseacre spin a tale as we wait to go out on patrol. Everyone listening knows that his story probably isn't true, but we're all grateful to him for breaking the monotony.

I called USAA Insurance claims earlier today to file a claim for my camera. It's a kick-ass camera too, a Canon PowerShot SD450. . . . The nice lady on the other end asked me what I needed to file a claim for.

"Yes, my digital camera was damaged three days ago beyond repair, I need to file a claim for it."

"No problem sir. . . . Okay, so can you tell me how it was damaged?"

"Sure, it got hit by a rocket propelled grenade three days ago."

Silence. . . . I decided to let her wrestle with the idea of somebody in Average, U.S., having a camera destroyed by a random rocket propelled weapon. But then again, for all she knew I could have been in Detroit.

"Ah, I see. . . . So, it got hit by a rocket . . . propelled . . . grenade?"

"Yeah. I'm on a tank see, and we were out on a mission, we got attacked, and the RPG hit the stowage box that I had my camera in. It didn't shatter it or anything, it just broke the LCD screen."

"I see. . . . Okay, let me get this form started . . . so you are in Iraq . . . which city?"

"Ramadi. . . . R-A-M-A-D-I."

"Okay . . . and do you have a street that this occurred on?"

"The streets here don't really have actual names. We give them code names and stuff, but there aren't any official street names. That won't be a problem, right?"

"No sir not at all. . . . Okay let's see, damage caused by, hmmm . . . what should I put here . . . "

I offer my assistance. "Enemy fire, maybe?"

"Ohh, that works. Okay, enemy fire. And party responsible . . . hmmm . . . Did you manage to get the name of the person that fired the rocket at your tank?"

Times like these really try my better nature. As much as I wanted to say something witty like, "Why yes I did, his name was Bob. Bob the Insurgent. Not to be confused with Bob the Bombmaker or Bob the Beheader. Just Bob the Insurgent." Like I'm going to stop my tank, get out of my 68-ton rolling sanctuary, walk over . . . then say, "Excuse me good sir, but that rocket you fired damaged my digital camera, which I must assume you had no intention of doing. Would you mind giving me your insurance information so that I may promptly file a claim?" ("Why yes mistah! My name is Akhmed Abdullah Durka Akbar, and I live at 1352 Dumb [Expletive] Road!")

"Uh . . . no ma'am, we weren't able to catch the name of the guy who shot it at us, but he's no longer among us."

"Oh . . . "

Wait for it . . . wait for it . . .

" . . . Oh!"

"Yes, that's right. He shot an RPG at me and broke my camera, so I killed him. . . . Unfortunately I don't have a name that I can give you."

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Paul Berry, a spokesman at USAA, a military insurance company, told me he had checked with his property claims managers, and none of them remembered such a call. At any rate, he added, the company gets claims from soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq all the time, so its employees would be likely to find such a call much more routine than the writer here thinks.

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Tom Ricks is The Post's military correspondent. This feature aims to give readers a snapshot of the conversations about Iraq, Afghanistan and other matters that play out in Ricks's e-mail inbox. Have an interesting document? Send it to TheInbox@washpost.com.