And the Winner Is . . . Not the Network You Might Think

Jimmy Kimmel. Nearly 3.7 million people watched Kimmel's video "response" to his girlfriend's video "I'm [Shagging] Matt Damon" on his post-Oscar ABC show -- his biggest audience in a year. (At press time, about that many people had also viewed the Kimmel response, "I'm [Having Consensual Sex With] Ben Affleck," on YouTube alone.)

LOSERS

Oscars. With its virtual lock on the movie-industry trophy show this season, owing to the writers' strike (the Golden Globes were reduced to a parade of infotainment-show divas reading off winners' names, while the Screen Actors Guild Awards were, well, the Screen Actors Guild Awards), you'd think this year's Oscarcast would've catapulted in the ratings. Instead, owing to a crop of movies relatively few had seen and a presenters list of unusually low star-wattage (Jimmy Kimmel's "I'm [Canoodling] Ben Affleck" featured nearly as many A-listers), the once ne plus ultra trophy show copped its smallest audience on record. Broadcaster ABC was reduced to noting that it beat this year's Emmys, Grammys and the Globes, which was just sad.

"America's Next Top Model." Fewer than 4 million viewers caught the competition's season debut, its smallest debut audience since '04, when it aired on the now-defunct UPN network.

"Pussycat Dolls: Girlicious." Debut ratings: terriblicious (1.8 million viewers).

"Prison Break." Fox macho series pounded by "Fairly OddBaby." Enough said.

The week's 10 most watched programs, in order, were: ABC's Academy Awards broadcast; Fox's Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday "American Idol"; ABC's Oscar red-carpet walk-up; NBC's Monday "Deal or No Deal"; ABC's "Lost"; CBS's "Survivor: Micronesia" and "Two and a Half Men"; and Fox's "Don't Forget the Lyrics."