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The Deciders

(Eric Shansby)

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Bernard: Will he read this interview?

Me: Could be.

Bernard: My grandfather once owned a Nash AMBASSADOR. To FRANCE, I say, "Howdy."

Me: Okay. When do you think you will make your decision?

Bernard: That's a very difficult question to answer. There are a lot of factors involved.

Me: Such as?

Bernard: You have to wait long enough for the offers to get really big, but not so long that all the great jobs have been promised. The timing is split-second. It's like trying to pick your tomatoes when they're ripe enough to eat but not so ripe that the rats and rabbits get there first.

Me: Or like knowing precisely when to hit on a really drunk woman.

Bernard: Exactly! You'd be a good politician.

Me: Thank you. Aren't you concerned about which candidate is more electable?

Bernard: Never entered my mind.

Me: But what good is a promise from a candidate who loses in the general election?

Bernard: Boy, you don't get this, do you?

Me: Get what?

Bernard: I'm a Democrat. We believe thinking ahead is unseemly.

Gene Weingarten can be reached at weingarten@washpost.com.

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