Week 754: Canny Similarities

Jesus said: "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37)

Elvis said: "Drinks on me!" ("Jailhouse Rock," 1957)

No one is really sure if Elvis's middle name was Aron or Aaron.

No one is really sure what the H in "Jesus H. Christ" stands for.

The examples above are two of the "uncanny similarities" between the King and, well, the King that are featured on a list that's been spinning through cyberspace, evidently anonymously, for more than a decade, and brought to our attention by Loser Randy Lee. This week: Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed below. (Note that the list includes neither Elvis nor Jesus.)

Mohandas K. Gandhi
Montgomery Burns
Britney Spears
Napoleon Bonaparte
Eleanor Roosevelt
Tiger Woods
Archduke Franz Ferdinand
Bill Clinton
Groucho Marx
Jane Austen
Moses
Morticia Addams

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets a nifty (for those with a low standard of niftiness) board game called Beat the Beltway, donated by Peter Metrinko of suburbia, in which players roll dice and draw cards in a race to get to various Washington area destinations. The compact board fits perfectly on a driver's lap.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 10. Put "Week 754" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published March 29. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Chris Doyle. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Drew Bennett.

Report From Week 751

in which we asked you to help supply new "unscripted TV fare" to the writer-struck networks by slightly changing the title of a current or past TV show. Just the prospect of your generosity was enough to send the producers scrambling back to the bargaining table to work out an agreement days later.

We could program every cable channel for years with the entries submitted for this contest. Some of the most commonly offered titles: "American Idle," "You Bet Your Wife," "Manics," "C*A*S*H," "Bob's New Heart."

4. "No Dime for Sergeants": A report on the Army's uncompetitive pay scale. (Dave Ferry, Key West, Fla.)

3. "America's Moat Wanted": Lou Dobbs and the anti-immigration crowd insist that a 2,000-mile fence is not enough. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)