'Hogfather': Low-Budget Hogwash

What is with all the love lavished by Internet posters on "Terry Pratchett's 'Hogfather' "? Judging by the overwhelmingly positive Web-based word of mouth for the movie, the fantasy series' most rabid fans would have been happy to see a version shot by the well-meaning but inept amateur filmmakers in "Be Kind Rewind."

Okay, so maybe it's not quite that bad.

Still, at more than three hours and sprinkled with underwhelming special effects, the two-part British TV miniseries ($14.95) feels bloated and slapdash. Die-hard groupies (of whom I am not one) of the cult author's novels, set in the mythical universe of Discworld, will be pleased that little seems to have been left out of the 1996 book, a darkly comic, Christmas-themed meditation on the irrational, though essential, nature of belief. All others will wonder what the big deal is.

Set during the midwinter holiday of Hogswatch, "Hogfather" concerns the unexplained disappearance of the title character. That would be the jolly, boar-tusked old man in the red-and-white plush suit known for flying a gift-laden, pig-drawn sleigh around Discworld once a year. Never heard of Discworld? It's a saucerlike planet perched on the backs of four giant elephants astride an enormous turtle. And yes, any similarity between the name of the holiday and "hogwash" is purely intentional.

Lest you make the same mistake I did in thinking that the Yuletide setting automatically makes for child-friendly fare, I should note that my 8-year-old son ran screaming from the room in terror after 15 minutes. That was right around the introduction of Mr. Teatime (pronounced "tay-ah-tie-mee"), a creepy assassin with one dead eye and Jean Harlow's hairstyle. Actor Marc Warren (no, I never heard of him either) plays him like he's auditioning for "The Peter Lorre Story."

Teatime has been hired by the auditors, a group of spectral figures who run everything, to do away with all the embodiments of childish belief: the Hogfather, the Tooth Fairy, the Soul Cake Duck (don't ask, because I haven't got a clue). He spends much of the show holed up in the Tooth Fairy's white-enameled castle and snarling, in what rapidly becomes tiresome repetition, at various sniveling henchmen.

Other subplots feature doddering, Harry Potteresque wizards and Death himself (Ian Richardson). Yes, the Grim Reaper actually takes over for the Hogfather, for reasons that aren't especially clear. Scary stuff. Or at least it would be, if the jaw of death's plastic-y skull mask, complete with what are obviously blue light bulbs for eyes, actually moved when Richardson spoke. I've seen better costumes at Target. Actress Michelle Dockery makes a nice heroine in Death's granddaughter, Susan, who has the thankless task of setting all to right in the end.

As for extras, there's only a disappointingly short interview with Pratchett (a 2007 DVD included a making-of documentary and other featurettes). Here, Pratchett himself candidly acknowledges the production's limited budget, bravely opining that "ingenuity can do the work of money, if you're ingenious."

I never thought I'd say this, but for some things you just need more money.