Your Questions Answered About Eliot Spitzer

The governor of New York allegedly paid $4,300 for an N.Y.C. call girl who traveled to D.C. Could he have saved by hiring locally?

Hard numbers are tricky: The D.C. Madam charged $250-$300 for fantasy dates; a scan of Washington's Craigslist for "erotic services" finds a "sexy kitty" available for $250, a "busty brunette" for $180 an hour. That's much more than streetwalkers (who averaged $27 per hour in a Chicago economic survey) but way less than high-end escorts; former N.Y.C. prostitute-turned-novelist Tracy Quan claims she made $400 per hour. Escort fees fall under the economic theory of "Veblen goods" -- the higher the price, the more desirable a commodity.

How did Eliot Spitzer look at the Gridiron Club dinner on Saturday night?

"Absolutely stricken," according to a guest who sat near him but didn't approach because of the alarming look on his face: "Like he lost a family member." (The New York Times reports that feds told the governor of their investigation on Friday.) Other witnesses, however, say he was "ebullient" and busily glad-handing as usual. Spitzer was the guest of the Buffalo News's Doug Turner.

Who had the best headline?

N.Y.C. tabs always excel here; arguably the New York Post's "Ho No!" bested the Daily News's "Pay for Luv Gov." Comedy Central's "Colbert Report" riffed "Eliot Mess," which has a subtle elegance that works on a couple of levels.

Doesn't the Mayflower bar always mix a gimmicky cocktail inspired by current events?

Yeah, but not this time. Now that they have a sex scandal under their own roof, hotel reps aren't talking, so look elsewhere for "Love Potion No. 9" or "the 871-tini."

Does Spitzer have a double row of eyelashes, like Liz Taylor?

We don't really think this is the time to call and ask.

Isn't there a great old joke about the Mann Act of 1910 (which Spitzer may have violated if he transported a hooker across state lines)?

So there was this zookeeper who was caring for these ancient dolphins. The secret to their long life, it seemed, was that they would only eat a certain kind of sea bird. So every month, the zookeeper had to drive to a state park filled with all kinds of exotic animals where he'd pick up the food. One night he was driving back late and ran over a big cat. He was arrested for violating the Mann Act: transporting gulls across state lions for immortal porpoises.

This Just In . . .

Dawn Wells, the lovely Mary Ann from "Gilligan's Island," is serving six months' probation after allegedly being caught by cops in Idaho with marijuana in her car and failing a sobriety test. Wells, 69, was driving back from a surprise birthday party in her honor. A lawyer for Wells told reporters that a friend testified that he left the half-smoked joints in her car without her knowledge. Hmmm . . . we might have expected this from Ginger.

Kennedy Center Chairman Stephen Schwarzman is donating $100 million . . . to the New York Public Library. The announcement yesterday kicks off a $1 billion expansion of the famous Fifth Avenue building guarded by lions; the library will be renamed after Schwarzman when construction is completed in six years.

Surreal Estate

Seller: Gary Forsee

New asking price: $2.9 million

Details: Such a bargain! The former Sprint Nextel CEO put his four-bedroom, four-bath Georgetown rowhouse on the market in October for $3.45 million, shortly after his board ousted him over the company's stock slide, and now the house's price is sliding too. Which means Forsee, who bought the turn-of-the-century home in fall '06 for $3 million, stands to lose money -- but with a reported $54 million severance and a free house coming with his new job as University of Missouri System president, we won't worry too much. His old G'town pad boasts a glass conservatory, two-car garage and garden with patio leading to a carriage house.