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Three Wise Guys: Urinal Etiquette, Mystery Statues and More Potatoes


(By Danny Hellman -- For The Washington Post)

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By Joe Heim, Justin Rude and Dan Zak
Sunday, March 16, 2008

Dear Wise Guys:

I was recently using a urinal at a large public rest stop when the guy next to me cut the cheese in a big way. When I looked at him with disgust, he said, "Hey, if you can't do it in a bathroom, where can you do it?" Is he correct, and if so, are there other places where this would be acceptable?

Louie

Dan: First, men are supposed to ignore each other at urinals. Second, it's not like this guy tackled and forced you into a Dutch oven. Third, I argue that audible flatulence is acceptable everywhere because it brings immediate and sometimes sustaining levity to any situation. Except for funerals. I learned that one the hard way.

Dear Wise Guys:

Why does Washington have an equestrian statue and a circle dedicated to the Rock of Chickamauga (bet even you will have to look that one up), while Gen. George Meade, the victor in the Civil War's decisive battle, Gettysburg, stands -- yes, stands, no horse -- lonely, a statue along the sidewalk opposite the National Gallery of Art, nothing named after him?

Greg H., founder and director of the Foundation to Give Meade Credit Due

Joe: The rock of whatawhata? Oh, you mean Gen. George Thomas? (Yeah, yeah, we just Wikipedia'd it.)

First of all, Gen. Meade has received recognition in the area. For starters, Fort Meade in Anne Arundel County is named for him. That's a big deal, right?

We put your query to historian Stephen Sears, who has written extensively on the Civil War. "It's a good question," he says. "He certainly deserves a statue as much as General McClellan, who has a statue on Connecticut Avenue. You know McClellan's statue is facing south, and yet anyone who knows anything about him knows that he was always looking for a way to retreat. Meade was certainly a much better general, and he de serves an equestrian statue of his own."

So, good luck with your campaign, Greg. We all know this city could use a few more statues.

Dear Wise Guys:

Love you guys, even though I'm old enough to be your mother. So in true motherly fashion, may I ask: Why are you peeling potatoes at all [Three Wise Guys, March 9]? Don't you know all the fiber is in the skin? Do you want to have digestive problems, then hemorrhoids, and then maybe a painful hemorrhoidectomy? I say this because I care about you.

Jackie

Justin: Don't worry on my account. I'm not actually peeling the skin off the potato; I'm peeling the potato off the skin. It's the key ingredient in my signature cocktail -- the potatoskintini. Plenty of fiber in that. And gin.

Have a question only the Three Wise Guys can answer? Send it to wiseguys@washpost.com and await their words of wise-dom.


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