By Lisa de Moraes
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
It's second-crack-at-the-Beatles week on "American Idol." Actually, for reasons never explained, last week was John Lennon-Paul McCartney Week; this week is Beatles Week. Host Ryan Seacrest wonders whether the jailbait in the mosh pit know who the Beatles were. Probably not.
And, based on this week's performances, it seems the Idolettes don't either, as each of them tries to smoosh one of the Beatles' tunes to suit what the Idolette has decided is his or her one trick.
Amanda Overmyer, for instance, wants to "tease up high" and "throw some black eyeliner" on "Back in the U.S.S.R." Which judge Randy Jackson thinks is perfect, though Paula Abdul tells Amanda to sing a "vulnerable ballad" next time. Oh snap!
Simon Cowell notes she's the same week after week; Amanda curls her lip and declares ballads "boring." These Idolettes are getting a little uppity.
Kristy Lee Cook sings "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away," which, she proudly announces on national television, she did not bother to ask to hear before picking, and she chose based entirely on liking the title. Simon declares her "musical wallpaper." Kristy whines that the Beatles are new to her, then tells Simon she should be voted through to next week because "I can blow you out of your socks and you know it." Guessing "double entendre" is new to her as well.
David Archuleta appears to know what "The Long and Winding Road" is, unlike last week when he said he wasn't familiar with the Beatles before forgetting the lyrics to his Lennon-McCartney tune. Mosh Pit Jailbait swoon over his performance, putting him solidly back in Inevitable Winner position. "We love you!" screams one of the Mosh Pit Chicks.
Dumbest Idolette Ever Kellie Pickler is going to be on tonight's results show, who we're confident also will not understand the Beatles song they will have her sing.
Michael Johns sings a 1 1/2 -minute cutdown of "Day in the Life." Why? Because it was his dead friend's favorite song. Mosh Pit Blondes are confused by the "English Army has just won the war" bits, but they do the Mosh Pit Wave anyway because Michael's cute. Paula thinks he had a hard time with the song because he was hearing his own voice back in the ear monitor. Paula is something of an expert on hearing voices -- ear monitor or no. But, turns out, Michael is not wearing an ear monitor.
Nanny Brooke is dressed up like Billie Burke (Glinda the Good Witch) playing a Giant Yellow Daffodil in a direct-to-video horror movie. She sings "Here Comes the Sun," which, Nanny Brooke tells about 30 million Americans, is "well written." She hits half the notes, as usual, but this time while twirling, wiggling and making little baby-face smiley faces. Clearly she thinks this is the audition for "Barbie Fairytopia 2." Somehow, her spell over the judges has been broken and they nick her performance, which, she says as if she's talking to her favorite wards, "is okay."
David Cook, in full Frampton mode, sings "Day Tripper." Paula says it's so good he could do a Geico commercial.
Carly Smithson sings "Blackbird." We're distracted by the "7" she has had tattooed on her knuckle, in honor of this being the seventh edition of "Idol." Simon nicks her for picking a song about a blackbird. Clearly he's blackbird-phobic.
Jason Castro sings "Michelle" but does not understand a word of French. "I just found out 'my bell' is French -- I thought it was English," he tells the country. That's right -- he thinks he's singing about his bell.
Syesha Mercado picks "Yesterday" because, she says, she did it as part of a medley in middle school. Really. Simon says it will keep her in the competition.
Chikezie Eze tries to repeat last week's success countrifying a Beatles tune. This week it's "I've Just Seen Her Face." Not so much.
And Ramiele Malubay plods her way through "I Should Have Known Better." We thought Ramiele had already been dumped. We're a week ahead of ourselves.
"American Idol" mauled a dozen John Lennon-Paul McCartney songs and was rewarded with nearly 30 million viewers last Tuesday, more than twice as many as anything else on television during the first full week of daylight saving time.
But here's a look anyway at last week's pretty good and not so:
WINNERS
CBS's Monday comedies. Large crowds of 18-to-49-year-old viewers -- apparently the homonym demographic -- responded in a big way to the network's "start spreading the gnus" campaign touting the comedy slate's return. The result: high stats in that coveted age bracket for "How I Met Your Mother," "Two and a Half Men" and "The New Adventures of Old Christine."
"John Adams." Just as struggling HBO lets go its programming chief, Carolyn Strauss, comes word that Sunday's unveiling of the "John Adams" miniseries drew nearly 2.7 million viewers -- the biggest premiere audience for any HBO original movie or miniseries in more than two years.
"Moment of Truth." Fox's homage to adults anxious to wreck their personal lives for $100,000 -- before taxes -- migrated from its posh post-"Idol" Wednesday time slot into the 8 p.m. hour, where it pounded a pack of reality series including ABC's "Wife Swap," CBS's "Big Brother," NBC's "Deal or No Deal" and CW's "America's Next Top Model."
"Top Chef." The Bravo series's fourth edition cooked up its biggest opening audience to date, 2.3 million viewers.
"Lost." The ABC series was the most watched scripted show of the week (12 million viewers), though to be completely accurate, it clocked only about 850,000 more viewers than a "CSI" rerun in the same Thursday time slot.
"Family Jewels.""Apprentice" reject Gene Simmons made his triumphant return to the smaller-pond A&E on Tuesday at 10 and attracted just under 2 million viewers -- good enough to be declared a series best.
LOSERS
" The Return of Jezebel James." That Fox scheduled this new comedy on Friday -- Friday being Fox's Saturday -- speaks volumes about the network's commitment to the show. And sure enough, the Amy Sherman-Palladino sitcom opened to just 3.2 million viewers, less than half the crowd the network clocked in the same time slot the previous week with a "Bones" rerun (6.7 million). In fact, it was Fox's smallest crowd in the hour since Nov. 30. (That was the last time "The Next Great American Band" ran in the time period before being moved to 9, where the magic continued for the next three weeks.)
"Beauty and the Geek." Its fifth season debut, opposite "Idol," attracted only 1.9 million viewers -- no doubt CW forgot to put homonyms in its promo campaign. Last fall, "B&G" opened with 3.4 million tuned in. You say that's unfair because last fall it did not face "Idol"? The three nights last year it took on "Idol," it logged 3.1 million viewers.
"Canterbury's Law." Debuted last Monday at 8 -- and again, the time slot speaks volumes about Fox's commitment to the show. Going forward, know that pretty much any Fox series that doesn't get a post-"Idol" launch -- roadkill. Anyway, "C'sL" logged 7.7 million viewers, and skewed really old. How old? Only 5 percent of 18-to-49-year-olds watching TV at 8 that night tuned in, but 11 percent of people 50 and older. Normally you do not see that kind of split unless you're CBS on a bad night.
"Oprah's Big Give." Sadly, viewers aren't returning the favor; only 9.7 million tuned in Sunday, compared with the nearly 16 million who turned out for Oprah's prime-time unveiling two weeks earlier. "Big Give" is now snagging about half the crowd "Desperate Housewives" was posting in its final few original episodes before the strike knocked it out of production, and nearly 40 percent fewer viewers than "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" was collecting the last three weeks ABC stretched that show out to fill the time slot as part of its strike strategy.
"Celebrity Fit Club." The VH1 series's Season 6 debut logged an anorexic 705,000 viewers -- its worst showing ever. In its heyday, Season 2, more than 2 million watched its return.
The week's 10 most watched programs, in order, were: Fox's Tuesday and Wednesday "American Idol"; CBS's "Survivor: Micronesia"; ABC's "Lost" and "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition"; NBC's "Law & Order" and Monday "Deal or No Deal"; and CBS's "Two and a Half Men," "60 Minutes" and "CSI."
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