Take My Kid, Please!

To be effective, Kazdin said, praise should be specific, enthusiastic and immediate. That means telling a child who picks up toys, "That's great! I asked you to pick up your toys and put them in the box, and you did."

One Parent's Experience

Kendall and DeGangi recommend a similar strategy. "One of the things we tell parents who are pulled in so many different directions is, 'You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be good enough,' " Kendall said. "That will take you 80 percent of the way."

"One of the things we emphasize in the book is structure," she said. "Some parents are more gifted at this than others." She said she often sees disorganized parents complaining that their child never remembers to turn in his homework.

The District father said his family is reaping the benefits of a behavioral strategy similar to those outlined in DeGangi and Kendall's book. After years of therapy, medication and frustration, the boy's parents launched a behavioral program six months ago to deal with their oppositional sixth-grade son, who has severe attention deficit disorder.

Before that, the boy used to routinely refuse to get out of bed in the morning for school, resistance that extended to brushing his teeth, eating breakfast or other requests, all of which plunged his family into an uproar that often lasted until the boy went to sleep.

"We would try yelling, punishments, taking away his Game Boy or not going on a ski trip -- nothing worked," the father said, adding that his son's problems were jeopardizing his marriage.

Since they instituted a token reward system Kendall helped devise, the toxic before-school hour has improved dramatically.

"He is really interested in getting those points" and is allowed to play a computer game before school if he gets out of bed, brushes his teeth and eats breakfast promptly and pleasantly, behavior his father says has become habitual. "It's become incorporated into our morning routine," he said.

"It took a lot of work," the father added. At first the regimen sometimes seemed overwhelming, but "it's been worth it because he is showing us he can do it."

"It's made a big difference in our family and allowed us to realize that each other isn't the enemy. It's a toehold -- but we know we have a very long way to go." ¿

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