Three Wise Guys: Krazy Glue, Same-Sex Union Announcements, Liquor Stores in Holiday-Closure Lists

Dear Wise Guys:

I was repairing my kid's wagon yesterday and got to thinking, "Why doesn't this glue seal the lid of the glue container shut?" Specialty glues like Krazy Glue and Gorilla Glue are supposed to adhere to anything. Are the lids made out of some crazy non-adhesive space plastic?

Bill

Dan: Finally, the first sensible question we've received since we started this charade. I called Elmer's, the company responsible for Krazy Glue, and caught the attention of its marketing manager in Columbus, Ohio.

Krazy Glue reacts chemically with moisture to bond, explains Terri Brown, and the plastic caps do a good job of keeping out moisture, which prevents the curing of the glue. And although Krazy Glue sticks to most anything, the bottle caps are made out of a plastic that prevents the bond from hardening intractably. So they virtually never get calls from peoeoeafpjjjjjjjjjjjj

Justin: Sorry to interrupt. Dan was using Krazy Glue to find out if his keyboard is made of that plastic. It's not.

Dear Wise Guys:

I don't think I am crazy, but I remember when The Washington Post would print pictures and announcements of weddings when the couples were same-sex. Now I look and everyone is heterosexual! What gives with that? Has The Post changed its mind, or is no one gay getting married in the D.C. area?

Proud PFLAG Mom

Justin: You are correct: No one gay is getting married in the D.C. area. While the District allows gay couples to formalize their relationships through domestic partnerships, it doesn't allow them to marry. And Maryland and Virginia are at least as restrictive, if not more so.

Same-sex union announcements can be found on the Celebrations page in Sunday's Style & Arts section, but they are listed as "Commitment Ceremonies." Of course, some gay couples, as well as straight people such as myself, may feel that doesn't carry the same weight. The Post is always open to feedback from readers, so feel free to express any concerns about this policy to the ombudsman at ombudsman@washpost.com.

Dear Wise Guys:

On the list of holiday closings, why does The Post mention liquor stores? They're not vital public service institutions.

Bernhard

Joe: Oh, Bernhard, we beg to differ. Next to hospitals and Chipotles, it's hard to imagine more vital public service institutions. But to get an official answer, we talked to Metro editor R.B. Brenner, and he told us the section tries to anticipate which closings the public would be most interested in. That includes such places as banks, libraries and, you guessed it, liquor stores.

Dan: Joe spent Easter Sunday slouched against the locked doorway of his neighborhood liquor store, waiting for sweet deliverance from his patriarchal holiday duties. If he had read the paper, he would've known to stay home and surrender himself to the wife, child, cat and however many Bacardi Breezes he could scrounge up in the basement.

Joe: You couldn't be more wrong, Danno. My neighborhood liquor store was open.

Have a question only the Three Wise Guys can answer? Send it to wiseguys@washpost.com and await their words of wise-dom.