Sorry, Right Number

A Mr. Weingarten on the line

(Eric Shansby)

Discussion Policy

Comments that include profanity or personal attacks or other inappropriate comments or material will be removed from the site. Additionally, entries that are unsigned or contain "signatures" by someone other than the actual author will be removed. Finally, we will take steps to block users who violate any of our posting standards, terms of use or privacy policies or any other policies governing this site. Please review the full rules governing commentaries and discussions. You are fully responsible for the content that you post.

By Gene Weingarten

Sunday, April 6, 2008

AS I WRITE THIS, it is exactly six years to the day that I first noticed that almost all commercial products have included on their packages toll-free numbers to call for "Questions or Comments." Also, that customer service reps have to be at these numbers all the time, and they have to be polite and respectful.That was one of the greatest days of my life.

DIAMOND MATCHES

Me: I have a complaint. I bought your Diamond "Strike Anywhere" kitchen matches, but they wouldn't strike anywhere.

Mike: Yeah, in the past they had a different chemical makeup. It's not really "anywhere," anymore. You need a little bit of an abrasive surface. Where did you try to strike it?

Me: On my naked thigh.

Mike: Why did you want to do that?

Me: I was in the bathroom. Sometimes it's good to strike a match in the bathroom, on account of . . .

Mike: Right! I understand! You probably needed a little firmer surface.

Me: Are you saying my thighs are flabby?

Mike: No sir! You just need a harder surface.

Me: So you recommend striking them on any hard surface?

Mike: Yes.

Me: Okay, how about a can of gasoline?

CONTINUED 1 >