Three Wise Guys: Relationship Advice, Snoring After Drinking, Squeaky Shoe

(By Danny Hellman)
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By Joe Heim, Justin Rude and Dan Zak
Washington Post Staff Writers
Sunday, April 6, 2008

Dear Wise Guys:

I'm seeing someone, but I'm very confused! We live two hours away from each other, so we can only meet on the weekends! Last Saturday he told me to come to his apartment around 5 p.m., and the next morning around 11 he asked me to go! Of course I was extremely annoyed! He apologized later and explained that he just needs time for himself! He is very introverted.

I guess we just have different opinions on how a relationship works! He also said that he really likes me and wants to get to know me better. I feel the same about him, but I also have the feeling that he is just playing with me. Should I give it a chance?


Joe: Maybe you just wore him out with all of your exclamation points.

Dan: Yes, hysterical punctuation is a major turnoff for anyone, especially an introverted guy. But, look, this guy has six days of the week to himself. How much more alone time does he want? Next time he encourages you to leave early, tell him, "Listen, buddy, we both say we want to get to know each other, and this is the only time to do it, so why are you rushing me out of here?" If again he says he needs time to himself, just say, "Okay, fine. I'm granting you a lifetime of solitude," and then walk out and never go back.

Joe: And that would be the time to use an exclamation point!

Dear Wise Guys:

My wife says I snore awfully only after drinking alcohol. My buddy's girlfriend says the same thing about him. Is this common among the

Y-chromosomed? And is there any solution?


Justin: This phenomenon is not limited to males: My lovely wife is an oenophile whose love of the Ameritage wine by Virginia's Pearmund Cellars has led to a fair share of sonorous slumbering. Luckily, it's a gentle, light snore; people shell out big bucks for white-noise generators that aren't half as soothing. (Yes, that sentence was the condition under which she allowed me to publicly discuss her snoring.)

As for solutions? It seems there is always some device or technique that is supposed to reduce snoring, but I've never heard of one that really works. You might want to get more familiar with a comfy couch or chair somewhere away from your sleeping partner whenever you plan on imbibing. If that doesn't sound like the best solution, surprise your wife with a sweet pair of designer earplugs like the ones at

Dear Wise Guys:

I work with a great guy. He's funny and cheerful and makes the workday better. However, one, and only one, of his shoes squeaks. Squeak, silence, squeak, silence, squeak. Ack!! How can the squeak be removed from (one) shoe(s)?


Joe: Does he wear the same pair of shoes to work every day? Or does one shoe squeak no matter what pair he wears? If the latter, maybe it's not his shoe that's squeaking. In any case, removing the squeak isn't really the problem (there are numerous methods, all of which can be Googled). The real problem is letting him know that you'd like him to remove the squeak without making him feel bad. If he's as funny and cheerful as you say, he may not mind squeak-removal advice -- or just being told to buy new shoes.

Justin: Or if you can't bring yourself to tell him, you could just get a sweet pair of designer earplugs like the ones at

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