PI's Trial Is No Joke For Chris Rock

Comedian Cross During Examination

LOS ANGELES, April 4 -- Hopes were high for a little levity in the illegal wiretapping trial of Hollywood gumshoe Anthony Pellicano when the federal prosecutor announced on Friday morning, "The government calls Chris Rock." Finally!

After all, when funnyman Garry Shandling testified last month, there were a few laughs -- at least in the beginning, before Shandling told his sad, sordid tale of alleged mistreatment at the hands of his former longtime manager/friend/business partner Brad Grey, who now heads Paramount Pictures (and who denied any wrongdoing in the case and has not been charged with any crime).

Anyway, asked by Assistant U.S. Attorney Kevin Lally what the onetime HBO television star and talk-show host did for a living, Shandling deadpanned, "That's a bad sign." Then he said, "I'm a comedian," and the judge warned him, "Not today, sir."

But such fun was not to be had with Chris Rock. Dressed in a dark suit and dark shirt, the comedian strode into the downtown courtroom looking seriously vexed. He took the stand, mumbled when asked to spell his name, and had to be stage-directed by the judge, with a sweep of her hand, "Mr. Rock, project!"

One could understand his reticence, as the prosecutor quickly got to the point: In late 1998, was Mr. Rock acquainted with one Monika Eva Zsibrita? Yes. She is a model from Hungary? Yes. Did she claim that she was pregnant with your child? Yes. And did two DNA tests show that you were not the father? Yes.

"Someone who was not pregnant with my child claimed to be pregnant with my child and requested large sums of money," Rock testified. He was separated from his wife, Malaak, at the time of the alleged intimacies. The couple have reunited. Rock's last leading role was in the movie "I Think I Love My Wife," which tanked.

This would have been your normal, run-of-the-mill Hungarian-model paternity matter if not for the fact that Rock hired Pellicano. He contracted the shamus to the stars, the previously all-powerful Mister Fix-It with the wiseguy pretensions, to assist him in his defense against Zsibrita's claims.

Pellicano, 63, and his co-defendants (including a former Los Angeles cop, a computer nerd and a telephone company guy) face 100-plus counts in a conspiracy and racketeering case in which the defendants are accused of employing illegal wiretaps to collect inside information and salacious dirt for rich and powerful clients struggling through bitter divorces, nasty child-custody battles and lawsuits over money and creative credit. Pellicano and company have pleaded not guilty. The private eye, who has worked for Elizabeth Taylor, Michael Jackson and Sylvester Stallone and is acting as his own attorney (why? we know not), is currently serving a 30-month sentence for possession of hand grenades and plastic explosives.

Rock was the third celebrity witness in the Pellicano trial, which once upon a time was hyped as the obsession of Hollywood but has mostly been a dingy, dirty story of cheating and stealing. In addition to Shandling, veteran TV actor Keith Carradine ("Deadwood," "Dexter") testified that he thought something was fishy when the phone line in his trailer went dead. Prosecutors charge that his ex-wife, Sandra, hired Pellicano to wiretap her estranged partner during a child-support dust-up.

In court Friday, Rock was cross-examined by Chad Hummel, the attorney representing former LAPD sergeant Mark Arneson (who is charged with providing confidential police files to Pellicano). Hummel began by asking the comic if the two had ever met.

"I meet a lot of people," Rock shot back.

Hummel asked if Rock believed he was being "shaken down" by Zsibrita. "First, I didn't believe the claim was false. DNA proved the claim was false," Rock said. Did Rock know that Zsibrita also told police she was assaulted. "I am here as a free man," Rock said. "I didn't do anything wrong." No charges were ever filed in the matter.

After Rock's 15 minutes on the stand, the comedian and a bodyguard type quickly departed the courthouse, evading most of the photographers camped outside. Then prosecutors played for the jury a brief segment of an audiotape of Rock discussing the Zsibrita case with Pellicano on the telephone, a tape that Pellicano himself made and that FBI agents seized.

Reporter Allison Hope Weiner originally posted a longer version of the tape on her Pellicano blog on the Huffington Post, and it has been widely circulated on the Internet. In it, Rock worries about the impact of the accusations on his career. "I'm better getting caught with needles in my arm," Rock is heard complaining to Pellicano. "Way better. Needles, with pictures, there's Chris Rock shooting heroin. Much better blow to the career." Pellicano promises to "blacken this girl up, totally," meaning her reputation.

Trying to calm his client, the shamus says, "It's gonna stop. I'm going to make it stop."

Whoops.

After Rock, the trial continued with testimony from billionaire electronics mogul Alec Gores, who told jurors how he hired Pellicano to spy on his wife, who was allegedly cheating on him, at the Beverly Hills Hotel, with . . . his brother.