Renters, This Is Your Life

After 5 1/2 years inhabiting this space in the newspaper, I'm moving out. In this, my last, column, let me begin by telling you, the composite advice-seeking renter, who you are.

Your neighbors are too noisy. They sound like elephants when they walk around upstairs. They listen to their stereos and televisions at such a high decibel level that you never get any sleep. Plus, the one time you had a party and made just a fraction of their noise, the same folks called the cops on you.

Your neighbors are ill-behaved in many other ways. They let their dogs run free in the courtyard and smoke in common areas even though they're not supposed to. You're convinced that the bed-bug infestation can be traced to the pack rat who sifts through trash for "treasures" to bring home. You're not sure, but you suspect that she's also the one responsible for stealing your Sunday newspaper, as well as your favorite sweat pants from the laundry room.

Your landlord is really inconsiderate. She enters your apartment when it's not an emergency and doesn't even let you know.

Your landlord is neglectful. You have asked 1,000 times -- okay, well, three -- for your landlord to fix the lock on the front door, and, despite multiple break-ins, he hasn't gotten around to it. You have also suggested, to no avail, that he help get rid of the mold growing in the laundry room, fix the garbage disposal and upgrade the antiquated heating system so that you don't sweat to death in the winter.

Your roommate is a disaster. You were great friends until you lived together, but now he has too many guests. He never does the dishes, pays the utility bills or buys toilet paper. And he eats all of your food.

Your dear, well-behaved poodle is being discriminated against, what with pet rent and the fact that you can find so few buildings that allow dogs at all. It's as if you are being forced to pay extra just because you have no other options. It makes no sense, especially with people allowed to have their children enter as free-loading tenants, and your dog is your child.

You are worried about getting your security deposit back, but the notion of "regular wear and tear" confuses you. Now that you are planning to move, the confusion has turned first into fear and then into preemptive anger over the ways your landlord might try to take advantage of you and take even more of your money, not that you haven't been paying exorbitant rent for three years.

You are suspicious of your management company because you received a 6 percent rent increase, even as the units around you are going for less and building management is offering deals that include free flat-screen televisions on move-in and a free month's rent. That's some nerve, cutting newcomers a break and treating you, a loyal, responsible tenant, like a second-class renter.

You know nothing about your rights as a renter, let alone about the lease you signed. You assume your landlord is violating your rights but have not taken the time to carefully read your rental agreement and research the local rental housing regulations.

Meanwhile, you are frustrated by the fact that rents are so high. You have been displaced by gentrification and are watching more and more affordable housing options disappear. You can barely afford your basement efficiency, yet you grapple too much with the renting vs. buying conundrum. You don't know whether moving will help your circumstances. And you put up with seemingly substandard conditions, landlords and roommates because you think your hands are tied.

Of course, not all renters are as unhappy as the picture I've just painted. But happy people do not generally write to advice columnists.